A Zen Master was troubled by depression before he was Enlightened.
He was asked if his depression had disappeared.
He replied, “Before Enlightenment, I was depressed. After Enlightenment, I am still depressed.”
“So, what has changed?” queried his student.
“I now look at my depression differently.”
It may be impossible to change the distressing situations around us. We may feel powerless to affect a child on drugs, a philandering spouse, prevent a dear one from dying – or even make someone love us.
This does not mean that we take no action. Go ahead. Be furious when you tell your child of your disapproval. Raise hell with your spouse. Or, leave.
We are entitled to our feelings. We must allow ourselves the rage and grief at the conditions of our lives. That piece of us which is part of the Love of the Universe must DEMAND our life back.
If we can’t change the outside condition, we are left with one alternative. To change ourselves.
It is not spiritual to turn the other cheek in the physical world by denying what is happening. Take action!
Then, let go of our attachment to the outcome of what we have done. Give the object of the action the opportunity to handle our decisions.
That is looking at things differently.
We have given away our power. We have sacrificed our integrity – to keep peace – to get approval – acceptance – prestige – importance, favor.
We have given ourselves away because we thought these things would bring us happiness at last. They have not.
We have compromised ourselves in a futile attempt to control. We go from goal to goal, from one answer – one relationship to another, searching for contentment. Searching for completion – wholeness. We feel guilty, disappointed, as we discard one thing, one person after another. Or, they discard us. That person is also heartbroken because we are all doing the same thing. Looking outside of ourselves for fulfillment. Sure someone or something will come along to solve our problems and finally give us peace.
We are thieves, stealing from each other, to get the love we want.
Peace comes when we finally forgive the people we feel are the cause of our problems. Nobody has the great love which will heal us.
Enlightenment comes when we trust that the love we need is available from a Higher Source. But, we must ask for it and trust it is there. We need do nothing to have it. We deserve it. Then, it may flow from us to the source of our distress.
The first step is looking at it differently.
This is a process. A road. It is not instant. We take a lot of detours along the way to find something that is available to us. Something we already have.
We are here to learn in this schoolroom we have chosen. If we didn’t want to practice, we probably wouldn’t be here.
It is a challenge, on this spiritual journey, to remember that and yet live an ordinary life filled with tragedy, family, friends, annoyances, bills, anger and loneliness.
To try to keep in mind that we are spirits having a physical experience – not just bodies who are connected to spirit. To be in it and yet not of it. To value the journey we have chosen.
Can we look at this larger picture? Can we look at our depression differently? Probably not all the time. And we may need some medical help to assist us on our journey. To have the courage to feel worthy of a good life.
But progress can be made if we remind ourselves that we – and everyone we encounter are gentle children who are doing the best we can in this difficult environment. All of us. Even the situations and people who are hurting us the most.
We have come into the world to heal ourselves. And although we cannot always understand, this is the way we heal our world.
There is a beautiful passage from A Course in Miracles that is one of my favorites. I think the Zen Master would approve of it.
“And as you let yourself be healed, you see all those around you, or who cross your mind, or whom you touch, and those who seem to have no contact with you, healed along with you. Perhaps you will not recognize them all, or realize your offering to all the world when you let healing come to you. But you are never healed alone. And legions and legions will receive the gift that you receive, when you are healed.” W,262
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
I think depression can be healed – in my view it is connected with anger turned inwards, when it should be turned outwards. I suspect the monk of being the victim of the Buddhist prejudice against anger.
Discerning between inside and outside can be tricky, but I think it can be done.
Dear Evan -
Am I going to get a bunch of Buddhists disgreeing with me? That would be interesting.
I believe tht depression can be caused by repressed anger. It makes us feel so impotent.
I had the great honor of interviewing The Dalai Lama in a small group of journalists
When asked, he sounded plenty mad at the Chinese. “But I still eat Chinese food because I like it.” he added.
I think it is important to tell people when you are angry with them. Maybe, not in the heat of the moment – but it should be expressed. Let them deal with it, I say! They have lessons to learn from us also.
Hi Corinne,
I love the words said by the Zen master. It’s so simple yet so meaningful.
Thanks for sharing it.
I’ve been working to change my responses to external circumstances for sometime now. As someone who has dealt with depression and anxiety I can definitely say that they can be improved, but I’ll probably always have them as “background noise.” It’s been a slow process, but by working on my inner life, my outer life has definitely changed for the better!
“I think it is important to tell people when you are angry with them. Maybe, not in the heat of the moment – but it should be expressed. Let them deal with it, I say! They have lessons to learn from us also.”
I have just done that. I received a terrible, hateful letter from a “loved one” and I point by point took apart their arguments. I stuck to the point, did not attack even though I had been attacked and made the person feel like a fool. Now I’m done with the whole incident and ready to move on.
But just because we forgive does not mean we should forget. Rest assured I will always move cautiously around this person so as not to set myself up for another attack.
I fully believe people will treat you only in a way you allow yourself to be treated.
I am a follower of Zen Philosophy, but am certainly no Buddhist, I suffer from depression (suffer = to undergo): in previous times bordering on the suicidal. Some is repressed anger, some is chemical imbalances in the brain and some is because it is in my nature
Once a scorpion asked a frog to ferry him across the river, naturally the frog declined for fear of the scorpion stinging him. The scorpion was very persuasive and the frog capitulated on the proviso that the scorpion did not sting him half way across as this would result in the demise of them both. Half way across the scorpion duly stung the frog, as they slowly sank beneath the water to their mutual destruction the frog asked :Why? the scorpion’s reply : “Because it is in my nature”
I find laughing at my nature does the trick for me!
Sandi – I believe that if you stay in a sick relationhip (once you have awakened to that fact) that you are sick too. I recently vacated a similar situation but with neutrality and compassion. I’m ok with it now but I had to put myself first because I can no longer just be a conditional and convenient friend to someone that I cherished. I truly mean that I am ok with it now. Years of work has brought me this gift.
Corinne – YOU are the zen master and I thank you for this particularly insightful and personally meaningful essay. I’m sending this around to my pals. I would really like to see some of those “legions” who get healed when I get healed ..
Dear Sandi -
Forgiveness does not mean that we forget. It is for us, not the person who is forgiven. You never have to see that person again – or put yourself in a situation where more abuse is coming your way – who knows when?
If it is a “loved one” that you cannot avoid, you are wise to not hand any bullets to a person who is holding a gun on you.
Detach and stay out of the line of fire.
Dear Jamie -
You have become a wise person to recognize things that are just inherent in your nature.
So, when something comes up, you can LABEL it. “There it is again!”
You seem to have made peace with yourself. Thank you for sharing your insights on this article.
Dear Grace -
Thanks as always, for your input on the articles here. I agree that it could be a great thing if Sandi could just get out of the situation.
But sometimes these people are connected to us by others and we are forced to have some association. So, we have to be very careful not to leave ourselves vulerable to further attacks.
The “legions” you would to meet are eveywhere. Our healing energy goes into the Universe.
Just concentrate on your own healing. You are doing great and your comments are helpful to people you may never meet or even know about!.
Dear Raymond -
I always appreciate your coming over and making comments on my site.
I agree that simple is sometimes the most profound.
Corinne, back in September 2007, I wrote an article called “Forgiveness Is For You, Not The Other Person”. Forgiveness definitely doesn’t mean that you forget. You learn to protect yourself from similar situations and people by remembering. You also don’t let it stop you from trusting yourself and others. Forgiveness just gives you a way to be at peace with yourself and to move forward with your life instead of remaining stuck in the past resentments and fears. Great article.
Corinne -Oh boy, I just love that one “it is wise not to hand bullets to those holding a gun on you” …………… Wisdom for someone with my temperament (aka Nature) I don’t think we’re stuck with a “nature” – I think we can work with it, become aware of it,understand it, give it a name — but not give in to it. Besides, my nature has two sides and I love them both. Again, years and years of work.
I’m keeping the bullets in my purse. I may need them for my own gun.
Dear Patricia -
I blame all our childhood religious training on the difficulty of forgiveness. They said we should forgive and then invite the victimizer home for dinner! Otherwise, it was not termed true forgiveness.
This person may have not seen the error of his or her ways and will continue to abuse us if we include them in our lives.
Forgiveness, as you said, is for us. Not them. We don’t have to see them ever again!
Grace – Grace – Grace -
Sorry I brought it up. With your “temperment,” I worry about you out and about with a gun!
(only kidding!)
My “gun” happens to be my big mouth and fortunately with age, and pressure and now a little Wisdom, I can keep it from going off 98% of the time — It’s the 2% that scares me.
Thanks for the super belly laugh. And, I bet at one time you actually did stand-up. I wouldn’t be surprised. You have done everyting else.