You’ve heard it before.  If you want a soul mate you have to define what you want very carefully in order to manifest the person.

And the way to get started is to write out all the attributes that you are looking for.

So, you start.  If you are a woman maybe you will take George Clooney for a model.  (Me too)

If a man, she has got to be hot.  Maybe like Madonna or Angelina Jolie.  If you are adventurous, Paris Hilton?

Then, it gets serious.  You start listing the other qualities.

Good looking (We covered that)

Brilliant

Kind

Wealthy

Available

Color of hair you prefer

Color of eyes and skin

Educated

Spiritual

Loves to travel

Loves to eat in fine restaurants

Drives a luxury car

You can fill in the rest.  You know the drill.

What is never put on the list are the non-negotiables.  Our bottom line.  Not what we want.  What we cannot do without. 

STOP!

These are the qualifications we have to list first. 

The things that you probably can never change about the person.  The make or break for you in any relationship.

List those at the top of your page.  Afterwards, we can get back to George Clooney and Angelina.

These could include:

A person who wants a family.

A person who has the same religion as yours.

A  non-smoker.  A non-drinker.

You are a wild-eyed liberal.  You could not tolerate a Republican.

You have a great intolerance for fat.  Even if the person has everything else.

You are close to your family.  You don’t want someone who might want to  move away. Or, who has a job that might involve a tranfer to a different city.

A happy person.  Not a chronic depressive.

Write your “bottom line” out first.  Not what you want but what you cannot do without.

Once you establish these minimum requirements, your basic needs, you can add the frills.

The basics are the requirements that you absolutely cannot compromise on.

Many people go ahead with a relationship on the basis of, “Oh, I can change that.”  Or, “Love will find a way.”

We recognize the unacceptable but ignore the signals.  We hope for the best.

It rarely happens.

Be careful on the list that you don’t make it so difficult that no one can qualify.  Don’t price yourself out of the running. Do not write down preferences.  Like you like to ski.  That may not be a necessity unless you are a ski instructor.  Or you are a movie buff so you want someone who loves to go to the movies.  Edit these carefully. 

We go through a lot of pain in relationships because we do not recognize where others are in their journey.

It is not that they are wrong.  They are just wrong for us. And we can save a lot of time and heartbreak by scouring our own souls for what we absolutely must have in a long term love relationship.

OK.  You can go back to your list now.  A great dancer, right?  Only travels first class.  Entrepreneurial.  Great conversationalist.  Great body.  Very sexy.  Big (whatever). Great abs.  Funny.

Throw it all in now.  Just pay attention to the deal breakers at the top of the list. 

And hope you get the rest.  After all, George Clooney is still single. 

And the Universe is listening.