WHERE IS THE OL’ GIRL NETWORK? 

This is about single women - who are also perhaps mothers, friends, credit card jugglers, car-poolers, entrepreneurs, lovers, workers, gardeners, even grandmothers.  In short—a person trying to be everything to everybody and still have a life. 

I know there are some serenely, happily coupled women out there who do all the same things, and if you are one of them, I don’t want to exclude you. Hopefully, you have someone to help support you.  We singles are pretty much alone out here. 

And we need your help.

You never know when you might need a reference guide to what it’s really like out there as a single woman. And - male readers?  Sure. Come along. It wouldn’t hurt for you to catch a glimpse about how women really think.

But this is about us. The single ones who talk self-sufficiency but are furtively casting about for that guy who will defend the entrance to our cave. With all of our bravado, we are still whistling in the dark to keep ourselves safe.  And no matter how successful we are, how many clothes we collect, how many pedicures we pay for, how many trips we take, how “interesting” our jobs, many of us cringe when we hear the question, “Are you seeing anyone?” 

The world tends to make us feel deficient without a man. It is a couples world.  So, we are apologetic to our families for being single . . . We give reasons and excuses to our friends . . . (there’s NOBODY out there) and too often, we put pieces of our life on hold until “he” comes along. 

The inspirational books we read send a thunderous message. Nothing and no one outside ourselves can save us. Not even a soul mate. Serenity and peace cannot be found except in our own hearts. I believe that realization is our ultimate target.

Things are slowly changing.  We are buying our own homes – traveling alone – investing our money.  Making our own life decisions.  Enjoying other people’s children if we don’t have our own.  Having a life. 

But some of us are not there yet. Glimpses—even epiphanies come and then seem to vanish on this roller coaster ride we signed up for.

Men support each other.  On the football field.  As fraternity brothers from the same college - as former colleagues in a business.  They go out of their way to give their buddies a leg up.  Even your plumber has a friend who is a carpenter he will recommend.

This is not a rally to exclude men. Bless them. We need them. But we could steal a page or two from their ol’ boy network manual. 

WHERE IS THE OL’ GIRL NETWORK?

Most women have been brought up to be competitive with each other.  For the cutest football star boyfriend – the trendiest clothes – for a cheerleading spot.  The best marks.  Most prestigious college. And then on to business, where we compete for recognition.  Approval.  Promotions.  More money.  It is truly “a jungle out there” in the corporate world. 

We must broaden our vistas to include more women who are behind us. We need to help each other more. 

One strength the boys cannot take away from us is this. The most powerful instrument women have is our intuitive talent for nurturing, whether in our homes or our businesses. As businesses realize the greater need for public relations and service, we are more and more coming into our own.  This we know how to do. We are finally in style!

But, the glass ceiling they talk about is not broken.  It is only cracked.

More work has to be done. This includes our reaching out to mentor a woman who is challenged with a personal or career decisions. A favor done at just the right time can make all the difference.  It is time to do more of those favors.

In many instances, it is enough to just be there and listen. The best thing about talking to other women is that we permit each other’s difficulties to remain unsolved. Even if we say, “Quit that job” or “Get rid of that jerk,” we allow each other the option of taking no action on a problem at this time.

Men want to fix it immediately.  And they get offended if their advice is not acted upon.  Ultimately, we know what to do. We appreciate direction and that special favor but don’t need advice. Sometimes we just need someone to hear us out.

Neale Donald Walsch, in his beautiful book, Conversations with God, recounts that the most important question we can ask in any situation is “What would love do now?” I have those words taped on my computer screen. That guidance holds up under most circumstances. Remember to include your own happiness and welfare when you answer that question.

My mother’s favorite expression was, “In the light of all Eternity, most things don’t matter.” She was probably right but it sure feels important today.

Even if that is true, we owe it to ourselves to go for the gold everywhere in life anyway! Every way we can. And everyday.  And remembering to put our hands back to pull our sisters along with us.

Because, whether single or in a relationship, we are beautiful, extraordinary women.

And we have a unique contribution to make—to ourselves, to other women and to our world.