WHEN YOUR HUSBAND HAS DIED – Changes – on Amazon

by Corinne

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WHEN YOUR HUSBAND HAS DIED - A Survival GuideCHAPTER TWO  –  CHANGES

At first, I had a lot of attention from friends. I was included in activities just as I had when I was married.

Then, slowly, it started to change. I was still invited to the big parties but not to the dinner parties or the pizza on Friday nights. That seemed to be just for couples. I still had a relationship with the “girls” for lunch and I spent time with my kids but it left many evenings open.

The absence of the stress and medical crisis I had shared with my husband for years had left this big void – a big empty space. I tried to remember what occupied my time before it all happened. I realized for the first time that this is a couple’s world.

Going to a wedding or a big occasion was torture. There you are all dressed up sitting alone at an empty table with no one asking you to dance.

Did you get a lot more advice now? I did.

“When are you going to sell the house? It’s too big for you.”

“Life goes on you know.

You’re still attractive. Get out there and find someone.”

“Watch out for the gold-diggers. They are looking for someone like you.”

“Get involved in some activities. You’ll meet some new people.”

“You should join a widow’s support group.”“Have you thought about working at something different? It would be good for you to get out.”

“You should travel more. Get out there.”

Everything seemed to have something to do about getting out. I owned a travel agency at the time so I did have a job.

But I found myself longing to go home to my big chair in the living room. I thought about that chair all day. It was a safe place. And I didn’t want to travel alone.

After a few months as a recluse in my house, I thought maybe I should venture out a little.  Suppose they were all right?

What do you think?

This is an excerpt.

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Naomi from business start ups
Twitter:
May 7, 2014 at 4:54 am

Hi Corinne,

This post is a great tease for the book.

I have questions, but I guess you’ll suggest I get the book to find out!

I just want to know how you started to venture how? Once you decided it was time to ‘start getting out’ again what was the first thing you did?

By the way… this advice

“Watch out for the gold-diggers. They are looking for someone like you.”

Hmmm. What were they thinking.

Naomi
Naomi recently posted..Find a Profitable Business Idea : “I Want to Start Online Business Where Do I Begin?”My Profile

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Corinne
Twitter:
May 7, 2014 at 2:59 pm

Dear Naomi –

Re:
““Watch out for the gold-diggers. They are looking for someone like you.”

Hmmm. What were they thinking.”

Widows are a big target for con men. I met a few – they try to sell you mortgages, annuities etc.”

I do cover some of that about money in the book.

I guess you could call this post a “teaser.” And I hope it teases people who need it to buy the book. Lots of practical tips for new widows. They have all kinds of questions about things like when they can take off their wedding rings, dispose of clothes etc.

And several chapters along the end about dating, sites, taking care of yourself. Stuff like getting some new clothes, having a make over. They usually look like a wreck after what they have gone through. I don’t pull any punches.

So it is a promo – but it is helpful I think.

It’s different from most books on loss which concentrate on spiritual attitudes.
Corinne recently posted..WHEN YOUR HUSBAND HAS DIED – Changes – on AmazonMy Profile

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Beat Schindler
Twitter:
May 7, 2014 at 1:29 pm

The topic is not something I can talk about (from personal experience), but I notice different people react in different ways.
What do I think? I think you did the right thing.
Beat Schindler recently posted..Coming SoonMy Profile

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Corinne
Twitter:
May 8, 2014 at 6:44 pm

Dear Beat-

It took a while since I had been out of the single life for 20 years – but I did finally “get out.” Interesting – everything had changed.

So, yes, thanks for your confidence in me – I did do the right thing.

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Debbie
Twitter:
May 8, 2014 at 3:04 pm

Corinne I loved the book “A Woman Without A Man”. And think it is so sad that when this happens you get all these ‘I’m sorrys’ and than everyone disappears.
It is amazing how every one can tell you what you need to do, instead of just sitting and listening to you or just holding your hand when needed.

“When Your Husband Has Died”. Now that i have my Kindle I’m going to have to hop over there to Amazon and get this one. Sounds great. Thanks Corinne. Your books are always full of great info and fun.
Debbie
Debbie recently posted..How To Prepare Yourself for Adult Kids Without Using A Rewind ButtonMy Profile

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Corinne
Twitter:
May 8, 2014 at 6:48 pm

Thanks, Debbie –

I am not sure this book would be applicable to you – but I would suggest you send it to a friend or relative who has lost a husband.

Most books on grief have a spiritual view – this is not one of them.

I would sum it up in-
“But what do I do TONIGHT????”
Corinne recently posted..WHEN YOUR HUSBAND HAS DIED – Changes – on AmazonMy Profile

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Andrew from working from home
Twitter:
May 14, 2014 at 1:05 am

Corinne

I’m not sure how I would cope or react if I were in the same situation. I think I would know’ getting out’ was the right thing to do but to actually do it would be difficult.

When my mum died my dad was lost but he did force himself out. It was a way of coping and eventually he did re-marry.

Andrew
Andrew recently posted..How To Stay Focused When Working From HomeMy Profile

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Corinne Edwards
Twitter:
May 14, 2014 at 4:52 am

Dear Andrew –

It’s hard to force yoursef to rejoin the human race after a loss.

My next post, “Getting Out” gives some of the things I tried.

Believe it or not, all of the activities I did are TRUE.
Corinne Edwards recently posted..WHEN YOUR HUSBAND HAS DIED – Getting Out – on AmazonMy Profile

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