STILL MISSING ARLENE – Three years ago today

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t. Illusions by Richard Bach

My best friend, Arlene Shelley, died three years ago today.  It feels like it just happened.

She died on Mother’s Day.  I was happy it happened that day.  She had lost her only son ten years before and it was always a horrible, painful day for her.

This time, she was with Stevie to celebrate.

There are so many “Arlene stories.”  There are people who are such big entities that they leave a huge hole in the Universe when they go. She was one of them.

One such story, years before her death, was one of my favorites.

She was just coming out of anesthetic after surgery and she called me immediately…

She told me, “There’s a billboard on the expressway. It says, Give Arlene a pass.  We know where to find her when we want her.”

She laughed afterwards and denied any memory of that statement.

They “wanted her” a few years later.

I know that now, because I deleted her telephone and cell number yesterday from my automatic dialer.

If she doesn’t have a phone, she must be gone. It was my final goodbye.

She knew, during that time, that her days were limited but it never interfered with her living her life to the hilt. When she felt well, she traveled, gave generous gifts to her friends and family, entertained often, saw every new movie, went to museums and lectures, laughed and had lunch with the girls – and never, never once complained.

She lived like there was no tomorrow every day and when she finally left us, she was ready to go. She had used up her life.

A friend from my childhood, Louise Bove, sent me a beautiful poem she had written when Arlene died.  It reminded me of that story.

I know the old man is close by.

I can’t see him. But I know he’s there.

Just around the next corner,

Or over that small hill ahead.

The other night I had a dream.

I had suddenly become thin,

And I wore my long grey skirt.

Tailored and straight-line

It always made me look slim.

In the dream it fit loosely,

The waist band held only by my bony hips.

I felt tall and regal,

Like I always have striven to look.

It seems now, I always thought

I was more beautiful than I was.

I had so loved the way I looked.

Perhaps the old man will see me,

Really look at me and think:

What do I want with her?

She’s much too young and lovely

To come with me. Let me go

Elsewhere…she isn’t ready yet.

I believe that we leave when we are ready.  We spend too much time thinking about the ultimate outcome.

This does not just apply to older people.  Young people think about death too much also.  We use up our lives worrying about things that may never happen.

Our whole society is obsessed with beating the clock with health foods, plastic surgery, hours in the gym, reading self help books.

Arlene never saw the inside of a gym in her life.  She ate what she wanted and never let a surgeon’s knife touch her beautiful face.

Her exercise was checking out the sales at Neiman Marcus and Saks. She loved beautiful clothes and art but she bought for others and her own pleasure, not to impress anyone.

She spent her time loving and encouraging other people.  She should have started a charm school.  A compliment was always on the tip of her tongue. She made everyone feel wonderful about themselves.

One of her cynical friends once criticized her by saying – “The trouble with you, Arlene, is that you find something good to say about everyone!”

Arlene wasn’t into personal growth, an important career or the pursuit of her life purpose.  She just loved life and everyone she met along the way.

She was 80 when she died but was ageless.  Her friends ranged in age from 16 to 90.  Every one of those people thought they were her best friend because she gave them her unconditional attention.

I feel the same way Louise does when she says -

“She’s much too young and lovely

To come with me.  Let me go

Elsewhere…she isn’t ready yet.”

I won’t be ready until I grow up to be just like Arlene.

When will you be ready?

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