MOMENTS – Forever is not so long anymore – A poem

Why is it

when I stare backward

on the landscape of my life,

the only signposts still standing

are the losses?

Where are the moments?

Always waiting, waiting for things,

for children to start school,

mortgages to be paid,

for Christmas, summer,

marriages to begin,

to be over.

Or, rushing, out of breath,

I have slammed so many doors,

missed friendships,

meeting obligations, making deadlines,

stretching to goals that meant nothing.

I can’t wait anymore

to hear the ocean while I sleep,

for the glass table which is too expensive,

a screened porch.

A man who adores me.

I want to run along a beach with no destination,

read all day in my nightgown,

throw away my eyeliner.

I want to fall madly in love with an unsuitable person.

Forever is not so long anymore.

I want to live,

so if I ever look back again,

I’ll remember the moments.