We are becoming afraid to talk to strangers in our everyday life. Every newscast on television gives a new picture of an assault on an innocent person.
We don’t want to take the chance of being the new victim. We are becoming isolated.
Except for my friend, Arlene. We have teased her for years that every time she gets on a plane, a train or even a bus, she makes a “new best friend.”
And not just a fleeting friend. They stay in touch, by email, telephone, visits - sometimes from thousands of miles away.
Arlene talks to people. Her specialty is “making matches” for the younger ones but she does not limit herself. She has helped musicians get audiences, entrepreneurs get customers – or just listens to people who need an ear.
No one fazes her. Once, while waiting in a doctor’s office, she met Yul Brynner. It would intimidate most people to approach this formidable person. Not Arlene. I am sure she did not ask for his autograph. She probably asked how he was feeling and if he liked this doctor with whom she also had an appointment. He invited her and her son to come back stage when he was doing a final The King and I tour.
What is her secret?
One of her more cynical friends summed it up with this criticism.
She said, “The trouble with you, Arlene, is you can find something good about everyone.”
I want to reassure you that she does not make friends in dangerous back alleys. You are not likely to find her there anyway. She just talks to people she meets in public places. Safe places.
We have become afraid of each other. Suspicious. Not that we should take crazy chances – but have people become, in our minds, guilty and have to prove themselves innocent for us to have a casual conversation?
The bad news we see on TV are isolated incidents. Good news is no news so we don’t hear about ordinary, friendly people like Arlene or the millions who lead good and productive lives who would welcome and appreciate a nice conversation with us.
I am sad to tell you that Arlene is now critically ill with cancer. The prognosis is not good.
But her “new best friends” from all over are rallying around her. Flying in from foreign cities. Dropping in. Making chicken soup. Calling her. Supporting her. Loving her.
I wonder if she knows what a big hole she will leave in our Universe when she finally leaves to a better place.
And who will take her over her job?
It could be me. It could be you.
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Dear Arlene,
I first met you through Steve, as his sailing instructor and friend. I was fortunate to have you remain in our lives by joining the family, and having 30 more wonderful years! You have generated a truly remarkable and inspirational legacy. Loving family and friends adore you and treasure countless “Aunt Arlene” stories and memories. Thank you again for all that you have been and all that you mean to us. We love you.
Steven Ruderman
Dearest Arlene,
I just wanted to drop you a note to tell you how much I love you. Whenever I think of you, I am filled with the feeling of delight that you and I are blessed to have the special relationship that we have. I have always considered myself lucky to be related to you (remember: first cousin, once removed…). You are a kind, considerate, generous, fun, loving person who lights up any room you enter.
I love your spirit and always have it with me, knowing that I have someone “pulling” for me in Chicago (my kind of town because my cousin, Arlene, lives there…).
You are in my heart, my thoughts, and my prayers.
Love always,
Jason
Knowing Arlene…..these words hold for me and many that know her I am certain, such a vast array of lifes’ most wonderful things; joy, love, enlightment, humor, wit, beauty, extradorinary friendship, kindness, caring, constructive criticism and elated praise….I could go on with evey lofty adjective that there is to write but truly, just knowing her has affected my life so profoundly. I am so fortunate to have Arlene as my dear, dear friend, mentor, “fashionista extradoinaire”, world class traveling gal pal, shop till you drop for you name it anywhere we would happen to be on the planet, usually Paris or New York, searching for life’s little treasures.
And a treaure she is to many; her lovely family that I know even though most of them don’t know me. I have sharred their lives through Arlene; her loving friends who have become my dear friends.
Our Mothers even share the same birhtday, today as a matter of fact, April 21. I was a child blessed with wonderful parents like Arlene and both of our Mothers influenced us
so positively. I would like to share a poem that my mother wrote in 1969. She was a published poet and had won awards for her writings.
HOLE IN THE AIR
Mourn silently,
I tell you
Mourn silently.
Say nothing.
Leave words to those
who cannot mourn.
Grieve quietly,
I say, grieve quietly.
Touch nothing.
Do not stir this air.
I am measuring
and cannot comprehend
How a small being
Can leave so vast
A hole in the air
That I, larger,
Am lost in it.
Nor how her ambience
Filling it, overflowed,
Spilling everywhere.
Nor how a small voice
Stilled, leaves not
Silence, but absense
Of it sound,
Floiwn beyond the
Reach of despair.
Arlene will always be with me.Knowing her… I am truly blessed. I am so very lucky.
I read Corinne’s blog and I cried, because I have to tell you I have a friend who is just like that, and her name is Arlene.. I was hoping that her cancer would go into remission and stay there, and for a while it looked like it might, but I realized when I spoke to her on Sunday, she is really getting sick.
Tell me what will happen to all those Best Friends? Will they just go on making more? I don’t think I will, I do have some of the new best friends I also have come to know on planes, trains and real estate….but the ones I have had forever….will it ever be the same ?
I wrote this in Corrine’s blog as soon as I read it….then;and since then, we have been fortunate enough to celebrate Arlene’s Birthday, and enjoy it with her. Even when she was able to blow out the candles.
We have all had time to visit more, and talk about old times more. And we have done that. Arthur and Arlene and I have spent some time talking these past weeks , and we are grateful for that. We talked about old fiends, some of whom are no longer with us,looked at pictures of the Trillings and Steve with my first Grandchild,(how sweet was that to find.!)
The first time we met two months after we moved from New York, at a New Years Eve party in 1962., and all the strange things that happened that night. So many things after…
.
The morning,very early, I awoke to find Arlene next to me in my bed…well, she drove Stevie to work very early , and didn’t feel like going home , so why not.? Arthur was getting the kids off to school, and said,”go on up”.
We cooked together, we learned together, we shopped together, and we shared so much…Arlene often said ,”You and I, Florrie, had the same Mother”, she was so right, They came from the same mold .
They expected perfection as a rule, and didn’t feel any need to praise it.
As we all know Arlene was effusive with her compliments…but they were never hollow.
She was loved dearly by all of us, and friends far and wide; and there is not a person, young, old, male or female , relative, employee,caregiver, hairdresser, salespeople at stores,and the world at large, anywhere she ever graced with her presence who will not miss her .
Her last word to us were I love you with all the love my heart can hold…We cannot ever forget that.
As far as I’m concerned, there has never been a world without Arlene Shelley. To me, it’s been the Sun, the Moon and Arlene.
Arlene knew me my entire life. She and my mother first met back in 1965, shortly before my mom was pregnant with me.
It is difficult to encapsulate my thoughts about a person whom I have known for so long and has been such a close part of my family.
Arlene has seen me as a newborn, a young boy, a young man and now a person with a wife and son of my own.
I shall always look back at my time with Lee, Arlene and Stevie, with a heart full of love and gratitude.
From swimming pool parties to the 1970’s to countless birthdays, Holiday gatherings and other occasions, I consider myself
very lucky to have been associated with such wonderful people. We had so many good times.
Arlene always had a nice word to say and was always enthusiastic about what I was doing in school, work or other pursuits. Arlene loved
music and would always find something to appreciate about it, whether it was the Beatles, jazz standards or Punk Rock.
She was always so complimentary and affirming of me whenever I saw her. . She never tired of my insisting that she tell
the story again and again about how her father (a Chicago Patrolman in the 1920’s) knew and interacted with Al Capone.
She and I loved many similiar kinds of entertainment such as Jack Benny or the Marx Brothers.
When Dawn and I married, it was Lee and Arlene who threw our special wedding dinner in China Town the night before.
Arlene always knew the perfect place to go.
Arlene was a wonderful friend and truly the epitome of class, understatement and elegance.
Arlene, from myself, Dawn and Julie II, we will always love and cherish you.
Where do I even begin to write about my friend Arlene. I called her a few years ago out of the blue, at a time when everything was just fine and everyone was healthy to let her know that next to my mother and father she was one of the most influential people in my life. I don’t know what the female version of a “Mench” is but that’s Arlene. Arlene is grace, elegance, empathy and sincerity. She has an amazing ability to be able to relate to anyone, anywhere and on almost any level. She is always so well dressed, beautifully put together and gorgeous however she has never been vain or out to impress anyone. No one knew how to live and love like Arlene. She and Lee were explorers and adventures. The traveled everywhere and people loved them every where they went because they always had the openness and curiosity about them.
Arlene has been a trusted confidant and advisor to me and countless others, always without judgment.
She, Lee and Stevie have been a wonderful example of love and compassion. They have welcomed us into their family and we have always welcomed them into ours.
When I brought my wife home to Chicago years ago to “meet the family” during the holidays, she told me Arlene was one of the people who made her feel most welcome and at home.
I have great sadness that Arlene is facing a very difficult time. She faces it however with friends and relatives who have all rallied around her with so much love. They would do anything for her. When Arlene moves on to her next great adventures, we should all know and remember that our world is a better, brighter place as a result of having her in our lives. Arlene’s example of love, kindness and caring will live forever in my heart and I am sure in all those who know her.
All my love,
Peter
I’ve started speaking to people I don”t know at the supermarket. The 99 year old woman shopping for Passover has become a new friend. The woman filling her shopping basket with Elderberry juice; with whom I discussed the benefits of this nectar and offering to her information on complementary medicine – another new friend.
Thank you Arlene, for teaching me how to make new friends. Arlene knew how to live. She also knows how to die,
She called me her sister. I will miss her.
Rhea
They don’t make them like Arlene Shelly anymore.
I will miss her wit, sense of insight and crystalline thinking.
She was a raconteur extraordinaire with the warmest of hearts.
The world will be a much less interesting place without her.
Paul Van Name
you are the one Corrine, I don’t know how else to express it, but anyone who can call you friend is so exceptionally lucky….Who else could ever create this testimony to our friend, and it says it all. Even those who found it difficult to write, are reading it, over, and over, and it is so meaningful for everyone. Each and every friend and relative of Arlenes has something familiar to all of us to write; and we all appreciate it. No surprises from anyone ,it is all Arlene, and how much we love her, and will miss her….BUT, you did it !!!!and without you, Corrine, it wouldn’t have been shared. Arlene gave me so much in the years I have been here, Corrine,and now she gave me you.!
P.s. if this doesn’t print to you, I am ready for lessons !!!!!
Corrine,
What more is there to say–it’s all been said in the blogs I read. The major tragedy is that Arlene will not be able to read them. She never did things so people would love and appreciate her–she always did things out of her deepest heart and never asked anything in return.
We met her at Willie Hecker’s apartment in the 60’s and like everyone else became her “best” friend. When she came to NY she would always call and say, I’m calling you first.” I always wondered how many other people she said that to–but it didn’t matter.
One thing we did teach her was to be on time–we were always guilty of being late and taught ourselves not to be and Arlene, in her later years would always be on time.
We traveled with her to France, St. Barts, Capri and she knew people wherever. A fond recollection we had was one day walking down the street in Capri when all the jewelers ran out and greeted Arlene and Lee encouraging them to come into the shop. But much as she loved jewelry she was never ostentatious or showy–it was all for herself never to impress people.
We knew and loved Stevie and Lee and her love of both of them was unflagging.
We spent two weekends in Chicago with her after she became ill and she was always thinking of the other person, accepting her fate gracefully.
She was our dear, dear friend and we will love her forever.
Doris and Dick Seidlitz
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