One lady who never thinks of herself as middle-aged,
and still looks at thirty year olds as possibilities
until she remembers,
with street smarts, stretch marks,
vaginal dryness but very nice eyes,
who is starting her diet and aerobics on Monday
and is saving for an facelift,
not quite emotionally secure,
or if the truth be known, financially,
(who plays the market)
devours self improvement books
and hasn’t improved,
with a touch of arthritis, a slightly elevated cholesterol
but has recently discovered metaphysics -
looking for -
A George Clooney type, tanned, fit, romantic, terrific dancer, rich as Croesus, kind as Jesus, totally devoted, into worshiping, who hates eating at home, is sexually eager, brilliant, flies his own jet, adores shopping, caviar and suites in luxury hotels -
OR -
Might also consider a nice, smart, middle aged guy, not too broke or ugly, to annoy.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
All the former type guys are gay or taken – I am not interested in the latter .. had one –
Isn’t there something in the middle? What is the name of that matchmaking website you always talk about? What the hell, it’s in my stars!!!!
Twitter: patriciasinglet
March 9, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Ain’t life grand!!! I just had to laugh. I do love your sense of humor. The older that I get, the more important humor is. In our heart of hearts isn’t this just the kind of guy that we middle age ladies want? You forgot intelligent, kind, sense of humor, spiritually inclined, open-minded, likes adventure,romatic and . . .
Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..More Family Patterns of Behavior Means More Awareness
The older we get the more important fantasies become. The greater your imagination the more vivid they are. Nothing wrong with fantasies as long as they are healthy. They are a great nectar and far better for one than alcohol. I am blessed with a vivid imagination which allows me every night at age 80 to go to bed with Grace Kelly snd all my gorgeous Hollywood sweethearts and have a rollicking good time. I may wake up in the morning exhausted, but you may be sure there is a smile on my face.
Please advise the lady above to cultivate an imagination. She’ll have George Clooney bending down to kiss her hand with eagerness snd a twinkle in his eye.
Dear Lily Rose -
I am sure that there is a guy in the middle. But in order to find him you have to take some action.
I haven’t run a personal ad for myself for years so I can’t tell you my favorite choice for you. Match.com is the largest site though.
I have written countless ads for friends.(Mostly lies – but that’s the drill) Two of them even married the guy we found. Little did they know the person they really wanted was ME! I’ll never tell. And you can be sure they won’t.
Dear Patricia -
Glad you enjoyed my spoof. You are right, it is important to laugh. I was laughing my head off when I wrote this.
Yes, I could have added some things to the “OR” part. But I wanted the contrast to be extreme.
If I write a real ad, I will add your suggestions. You can bet on that.
Dear Reed -
80?????
You don’t look it. Or act it!
Thanks for sharing your fantasies. They are great ones. Just don’t wear yourself out.
What about Marilyn Monroe? Or isn’t she your type?
Dear Corinne, Am I “the rule” or “the exception”? Not once
since my significant other,(who lived with me for 20 yrs).
not once since he passed away, did I want another man. Never dated anyone, never wondered if “so-and-so” would be good husband material…it just didn’t occur to me. That’s my real
world. In my dreams though, Robert Redford wakes up beside
me every morning, and I, of course, am very beautiful, Now
you know why I go to bed at 8PM every night! Love, Louise
Hey, Louise -
NO FAIR.
I thought Robert was mine. Now I will have to get to sleep by 7:45 to beat you to him.
Seriously though, you might be the rule and not the exception. Lots of woman say there is no reason to break a lucky streak by starting over.
There are benefits to having your life all to yourself. Besides, you don’t have to confer with anyone if you want to paint your living room red – or spend money foolishly. Or, even wisely.
Does anyone remember a TV program on in the 50s called “Life Begins at 80″ … I used to watch it with my grandmother and just thought those older people had way more fun than my friends and I had …. now that I am older, I can tell you the really wild, crazy ones in this society are the older ones …
Maybe we just don’t care any longer and so we can go for it!!
I’m a Paul Newman or Richard Burton woman myself … Hey Corinne, who is your fantasy? Robert Redford is way too dainty for me. Richard Burton – I saw him first Elizabeth!!!!
In “The Robe” and got the biggest crush on him. Still do,
And what can we say about Paul Newman – I feel like I lost a best friend and my heart goes out to Joanne. Class Acts both.
Anyone out there close to these guys? Give me a tumble!!!
Dear Lily Rose -
Don’t know of that program. Maybe it was a local one and I did not live in the area.
But, I do agree, as we get older we are allowed a lot of leeway in being eccentric!
The last fantasy man I had was the Lone Ranger. I wanted to get
rid of Tonto. He was my rival.
I had to kiss a lot of frogs before I found my prince. It’s tough out there in single-land. I don’t envy anybody looking these days!
But I agree about Richard Burton..quite a hottie…and don’t get me STARTED on Burt Lancaster!
I just got your comment, Corinne, on Stephens site and you were so loving I decided to click on you and find out more about you. HOW serendiptiously delightful to find your post about the personal ad…Just before I visited here I was checking my Eharmony matches to see if the guy I wrote to days ago (and who has since “viewed” me) had written back. He hasn’t. And he’s 60, a little overweight and balding, judging from his photo. Gee whiz!
The “ex” I mentioned on Stephens blog was a guy I met on Eharmony (so …why didn’t I go far far away from that site instead of far far away from Weight Watchers, you ask??) Beats me. Your post WAS ME TO A TEE!…no lie. I’m going to be 55, need to lose 30 lbs, have been saving for that tummy tuck but needed to use the money to pay the IRS AND am seriously seeking MY PRINCE. Now I seriously want to get together with all the people from these blogs (and I am quite new at it all) AND HAVE A HUG FEST!!!!!
Have you read “A Round Heeled Woman” by Jane Juska? If not..you MUST. SHE is my idol. I just hope I can do what she did while I’m still in my fifties and before my vagina resembles the Sahara. Be well. And ..thanks!
Hi Patti -
How nice that you came over here. Welcome!
Any friend of Stephen’s is a friend of mine. Love him. We’ve been joined at the hip since who knows when.
I was attracted to your comment on his site because it was so real and honest. Rare thing these days.
Good luck with your search. If you read any of the comments above you will see that I wrote ads for friends and two of them actually got married! It can happen. But you have to go through a lot of frogs.
With all that bull—- out there there has bound to be a pony.
Glad you liked my poem. It is a bit of a spoof but there is a lot of truth in it.
Let me know how your search is going. Come back. You are no longer a stranger here.!
Oh, Corinne…I’ve already kissed so many frogs I’ve got warts on my lips. Thank Goodness I work for a Dermatologist so I get free treatment, with the cost of medical insurance these days.
It is great to go to sleep when I want, wake up when I want, eat what I want and play my music really loud without someone telling me to turn it down. I can spend my own money and have a romp with a different man (in my dreams) every night. Have to say I’m a Richard Gere woman, myself. Alas, I really would like to grow old with someone other than my cats!
Thanks for taking me in. I’m feeling quite warm and fuzzy FINALLY. It was a long, lonely day! Be well ALL!
Oh dear! This sounds a lot like me – I look in the mirror some days and shudder then stand on the scales and, like your poem, decide to start my diet and aerobics on Monday. Thank goodness I’m no longe single though – my husband swears he can see past the stretch marks and love handles!!
Hello Jan from across the pond -
Glad you enjoyed the poem. It is of course a spoof but has a lot of truth in it.
How lucky you are to have a husband who does not see one flaw in you!
I never did start aerobics. I hate to sweat. But I am always up to starting a diet on Monday.
I thank it fabulous, Corinne, that you take the time and thought to respond to all our comments. How good of you!
Twitter: joubess
June 6, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Corinne,
Wow! That sounds like me, too.
Except I’ll leave all those gorgeous men to the rest of you. My pick is Rachel Maddow, and I’m two years younger than her partner of over 10 years. She’s not available but like all of us, I can dream.
I can also hope. Rachel first met Susan when she knocked on Susan’s door to do some yard work in a rural area of Western Mass. outside Northampton. If love can come knocking on your door out in the sticks in the middle of freakin’ nowhere (they don’t have cell phone service and can’t get cable) there is hope for us all. Susan was 40 and Rachel was 26 at the time, and they both claim it was love at first site (jaw-dropping, unbelievably wonderful fire works, light-headed, weak in the knees, instantaneous love at first site).
People want to know what makes her so hot (gay and straight). I’ll be writing about that on one of my Squidoo lenses. Clue: brains mixed with real are sexy. But, alas, I’m not really in the market for 4 more years until my son is grown or I meet Ms. Right accidentally.
Three words to combat vaginal dryness: KY Warming Liquid. It doesn’t contain glycerin.
Sherri
Being the Change I Wish to See – Sherris last blog post..Legal Same-Sex Marriage is a Civil Rights Issue
Hi Sherri -
Rachel Maddow is definitely brilliant. A good fantasy person. I liked her and then lost interest. I do not know who was writing her stuff but it got kind of wierd and silly. At one point I was almost sorry for Bush. And I am defintely not a fan of his.
Some of that “wash, rinse, repeat” was really beneath her.
She seems to be back on track now. Someone must have said “Enough!”
My fantasy guy is Gabriel Byrne. I am heartbroken that “In Treatment” is off for the summer. It kept me company for the rough Chicago winter.
So the Internet dating sites hold no interest for me at this point. The men my age are just too old! And they lie about their ages to the tune of 20 years. Women lie about five years.
Unless someone will introduce me to Gabriel.
Twitter: joubess
June 7, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Corinne,
If I ever meet Gabriel Byrne, I’d be happy to introduce you! He is hot.
For awhile they weren’t giving Rachel room to be her brilliant self and give her long analysis about a topic before introducing and talking with a guest. The show was adhering too much to a list of segments rather than following the news and her analysis of the day.
She’s probably the one who called “Enough”. She’s said that if the TV thing doesn’t work out she’ll go back to radio or being an activist. If they take away her pretty much complete editorial control there’s a good chance she’ll leave. She still has a contract with Air America Radio. Her standard is and always has been how she feels about the person looking back at her in the mirror. When she doesn’t like what the woman in the mirror is doing and standing for, she will change it and fast.
She’s back, and I’ve really enjoyed the shows that dig deep into topics, like spending half a show for two days on Judge Sotomayor and an entire show on the war in Afghanistan. She’s also spent the better part of the week on last week’s domestic terrorist attacks. What has always set her apart is the depth she goes with a topic. Her radio show was like that, though deeper (she’d only cover two stories in a one hour segment, but she was on for three hours a day). I miss her live radio show. It was fantastic.
Bush staying quiet and off the radar is working in his favor. That and Cheney won’t go back to his undisclosed location and stay off the news. Who knew we would look fondly on the time when he was tucked away? It’s looking like Cheney had a lot more to do with all the bad stuff that went on after 9/11 during their first term than we thought.
I quit with the internet dating sites, too. I used to think finding a good man was hard when I married my husband. Finding a good woman is 10 times harder. My friends are great and when they meet somebody they think I would like they hook us up over coffee or dinner. So far nothing has come of it.
I sent Rachel a Scotch cocktail recipe from 1900 when she said in an interview she’d consider having a gay boyfriend if he could pass all her tests, the committee process(?) and find her a pre-prohibition Scotch cocktail recipe that isn’t a blood and sand. I sent her the recipe and history for the Mamie Taylor, also known as the Scotch Lassie. Since she’s attached, I asked if she had any single friends who might like a late 40′s math and science dork with a teenage son to please pass my number along. It never hurts to ask. Her staff reads her email at MSNBC, so maybe one of them has a friend.
Until we’re not, here’s to being single,
Sherri
Being the Change I Wish to See – Sherris last blog post..Remember WW II D-Day Veterans Today
I think you are right.
Rachel must have been the one to say, “Enough!” She is too smart to put up with the crap they were giving her to do.
I accidently watched her show a few weeks ago. I am back as a fan.