LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEDBUGS – oh my

FEW LIONS AND TIGERS REPORTED LOOSE IN THE COUNTRY.

BEDBUGS  – YES.

Are you getting that kind of crawly feeling when you see the TV news on bedbugs spreading all over the country?

One in four hotels in New York.  Even the headquarters of Google there.  The Empire State Building.

They show pictures of them.  Ugly.

Your back is itchy (where you can’t reach) when you read about the epidemic in the newspaper.

Well, you know you are safe.  You haven’t traveled to a hotel anywhere lately or to New York.

Then, you read that you can get the bedbugs in a movie, standing in line at a supermarket.  That’s alarming.

The epidemic keeps spreading.  Well, not in Chicago.

Wait.

Yes, now in Chicago.

You start waking up itching.  You find little welts on your body.  They itch.

You must have bedbugs.  Got to get on this right away.

No home treatments.  Call the biggest.  Terminix.  They have a free inspection.

Talking to the company.  Setting up an appointment.  Immediately.    The inspector will call me.

Asking questions.  What is involved?  Clearing the room, taking down drapes, emptying closets and drawers.  I live in a small house.  Where will I put things?

Marshaling the troops.  My sons.  Don’t worry.  We’ll help.  When do you want us to come?

The inspector calls.  Sounds nice.  From Scotland originally.

Can I sleep in my little guest room?  He says yes – just don’t take anything in there from the room you think is infected.

Wash an already clean nightgown.  Take a shower.  Close that door tightly.

Don’t sleep well.  Planning.  I’ll just throw the mattress and boxspring out.  But who will take it?

Maybe I’ll just throw out all my clothes.

Next day, Jim, the Scot, arrives. He is huge.   He has a high powered flashlight.  Flips my king size mattress over like it was a down pillow.  Inspects everywhere – behind the bed – the bed board.  Like a scientist.

YOU DON’T HAVE ANY BEDBUGS.

WHAT?  Are you sure?

“My job, he says,” is to find pests.  I am an exterminator.  Not to not find them.  You don’t have any.”

Are you sure?

He sees I am unconvinced.

Then, he offers this suggestion.

“There are services that use specially trained dogs.  Look on the Internet.  But they are expensive.  If you want to spend $300. to double check me, call them. But I have been working in this field for a long time. If they were here I would see the evidence.”

Called my sons to tell them I am hiring a dog.

Alex says, “If you want a dog I will bring over my bloodhound and only charge you $100.00.”

Paul says, “Mom, are you losing it?  Do you think Terminix would turn down business?”

Took 48 hours to adjust to not having bedbugs.  Most of the itching has stopped.

As Tom, the Scot, was leaving he gave me some comfort.

He said “People are so nervous about the outbreak, they get hives.  I have seen this before.”

I have passed – for now – on hiring the dog.

I have a suspision that my kids have now privately labled me “the crazy bug lady.”

Have a plan.

Will not go to the movies.  There is always On-Demand.  Stand far away from everyone everywhere.

The brain is powerful.  Imagination even more so.

WONDER IF TERMINIX HANDLES WILD ANIMALS?

JUST IN CASE.

For now, I do not have bedbugs.  But I have Tom’s personal cell number.  He said to call if I needed him.

What do you think?  Have you ever believed your imagination when something is not true?

Picture by Solomon

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