Holding on to the past is trying to breathe life into a play which is closed. It is struggling to raise the curtain in a dark theatre, on a dusty stage, by ourselves.
The other players have left. The stage in empty.
It is going over everyone’s lines, long since said, playing all the parts – alone. It is being stuck.
It is entrapment in a time warp. The costumes no longer fit. The buttons have popped. We are different people today but we still force the action.
We get caught in the “if onlies,” hanging on to dreams which did not come true, losses – a loved person who has died, an unhappy childhood, a love affair which did not end happily ever after, a youth gone – opportunities which have disappeared.
The game is over, but we are bad sports. We refuse to accept defeat. We run the tape over and over. We can put it on rewind but we can’t get into the movie anymore.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, author of many wonderful books, likens it to our holding on to the bars of a cage. We rattle them, desperately trying to get free. But the bars are just in front of us. If we look to the right, to the left or behind us, there are no bars.
All we have to do is turn around and walk away.
We have shackled ourselves in bondage. It is time to walk away from the cage.
The past is not holding us. We are holding it.
Picture all your past relationships, now lifeless forms, hanging on hooks in a closet. The closet goes with you wherever you go.
The relationships are part of you – they have made up your experience – but you are no longer part of them. Although you carry them with you, you can no longer breathe life into them. They are your past.
You can open the closet door and look at the array. But, if you take them out and try to carry them around, they are a heavy and unnecessary burden.
You travel with your closet, filling it more and more each day. But it is carried for you. There is no need for you to put it on your back.
These are the records of your life and of your heart. It is up to you to decide to keep the door closed, or to live within the boundaries of a closet.
We can’t put the past on rewind. The buttons are stuck. The actors have gone on to other roles. The set has been dismantled.
The movie is over.
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Beautiful beautiful words.
I enjoy it so much.
Yeah, the actors had gone, playing another role. Thanks for sharing such a great piece of artwork.
Raymond Chuas last blog post..I Have 3 Free Stuffs For You Today – Nothing to sell
This is an very good post for illustrating the letting go process. Nice job. btw, I found you at 31DBBB.
Momofsixteens last blog post..Happy 5th Birthday, Andrew!! His Life Story to Date
Letting go for me meant first letting go of the denial and facing the past so that I could let go of it. In order to let go, I had to admit that it had happened and that I was the one who it had happened to. It meant connecting with all of the feelings that I had stuffed in my body and releasing those. It felt like I was stuck for awhile when the reality was that I had to go through the emotions, something I had never done before. Coming out into the light on the other side made the work worth doing. This work wasn’t easy and it wasn’t pain free but the freedom to be me that I have been gifted with is truly amazing.
Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..We Are Here—Survivors
THANK YOU,Raymond -
I am so glad you enjoyed it. You always make me feel good with your comments.
Dear Mom of sixteen -
Thank you for commenting. I enjoyed your blog and your little Andrew is so adorable.
Happy Birthday, Andrew!
And congratulations, Mom!
Dear Patricia -
These words are so important.
“Letting go for me meant first letting go of the denial and facing the past so that I could let go of it. In order to let go, I had to admit that it had happened and that I was the one who it had happened to.”
Our mind wants to bury sad thoughts and traumatic events. It seems easier that way.
But – we are never free until we face it. Then, and only then, can we let it go.
Then we can stop running.
When I lay awake each night going over the past and doing the “woulda, shoulda, coulda” act, I will remember your article. What a great lesson. Love, Marie
Yes, Marie -
I join you in remembering my own article. We teach what we most need to learn.
Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?
Corinne, another perspective is the life movie never ends. That is, different scenes evolve based on choices. Many seem to come to some kind of closure. Yet, new episodes are constantly emerging to enable the actor to continue dreaming in order to learn new lessons. Thank you for these uplifting words.
Liara Coverts last blog post..How do you chart your life?
Corinne,
Wow, this is what so many spend years and thousands of dollars in therapy to figure out how to do, me included. Not only do we hang on consciously, we do it subconsciously. We may never realize what is holding us back until we recognize we have a closet full of baggage. I found the hardest part was to realize I have a closet and that I needed to quit going in there. Leaving it behind finally allowed me to be comfortable in my own skin.
The thing I haven’t done? Stop getting angry when other people lecture me about what I should have done in the past to avoid where I am now. I can’t go back in time and undo making poor decisions. I have to start where I am and move forward. Could have, should have, and would have are useless places to go.
Sherri
Being the Change I Wish to See – Sherri´s last blog ..Judge Sotomayor and Senate Stalling Tactics
Hi Sherri -
We all have that closet! It is a decision to keep the door closed and not wander in.
You said -
“The thing I haven’t done? Stop getting angry when other people lecture me about what I should have done in the past to avoid where I am now. I can’t go back in time and undo making poor decisions. I have to start where I am and move forward. Could have, should have, and would have are useless places to go.”
My problem is that I AM THE ONE who says these things to ME!
As someone wise once said, “You teach what you most need to learn!”
Thanks for the tweet, by the way. You are a real pal.
Hi Corinne,
You’re welcome for the tweet. I find I’m getting more traffic from there now, so I tweet and stumble. Both are in my toolbar so it’s a breeze. If you have a button for RT, I use it instead.
I have to ask you to tell yourself to yell STOP when you start in on beating yourself up about things you can’t go back and change. Sometimes you have to close your eyes and yell as loudly as you can in your mind to drown out the tape playing in there. Don’t do it out loud or you’ll scare the heck out of everybody. You can do it out loud if you’re far enough away from others that they won’t call 9-1-1 for you. If STOP doesn’t work, just scream inside your head until that’s all you here. When you stop, there should be total silence in your head and that’s when you can tell yourself “I have had enough of this!!!”.
I’m no expert, but it works on my students who suffer extreme test anxiety. It doesn’t take all the anxiety away, but it shuts down the racing, self-defeating thoughts enough that they can start reading the test and start thinking. When they start thinking, they tend to overcome the anxiety temporarily to function well on the test. I’m talking from Ds to setting the curve. If you do it as often as you can in any situation, it should help stop the thoughts a lot more, or at least change their context, conscious vs. subconscious where you can talk back to them.
Understanding why they happened is fine, but hitting yourself with your own stick over them is just painful and accomplishes nothing constructive. It just makes you feel worse.
We start out teaching what we most need to learn, but after awhile we learn it so we teach from a position of experience. When we can teach from a position of strength rather than need, we do a better job. I only say this because I don’t need to learn math or science, but I teach both from the position of actually having been a scientist who used math as a tool. It changes how you approach things. Nothing beats experience because experience brings wisdom.
You’re a real pal, too, so please stop beating yourself up!
Sherri
Being the Change I Wish to See – Sherri´s last blog ..Judge Sotomayor and Senate Stalling Tactics
“I have to ask you to tell yourself to yell STOP when you start in on beating yourself up about things you can’t go back and change. Sometimes you have to close your eyes and yell as loudly as you can in your mind to drown out the tape playing in there.”
OK. OK. I’ll do it.
Will you bail me out of the funny farm when they take me in?
I love your comments. You put your whole heart in them.
I’ll bail you out if you’ll bail me out!
I love your posts and it’s easy to be passionate about comments on them.
Sherri
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