I can’t tell you how many personal ads I have written for friends – and myself.  It has been interesting to see the results.  And I have a few success stories.  Two engagements, one marriage (Okay, they divorced – but it still counts)

 

I thought I’d write a post about some of my experience with it.  A kind of rules-of-the-road for Internet dating.

 

It is getting harder and harder to meet anyone except on the Internet.  I know some dating gurus suggest joining clubs, political groups, and your church – even supermarkets.  All good suggestions.  The older ways of meeting someone in a bar or a club is out of fashion these days.  Most of us do not frequent those establishments. And anyone there probably would not fit our goal of a long term romantic partner.

 

 

There is the other argument I hear.  If your soul mate is supposed to show up, he or she will find you.   I’m not disputing that either.  But I am also a firm believer that the good Lord helps those who help themselves.  I don’t think UPS will deliver that person to your front door and even if they do, you might not be home to sign for them.

 

When I wrote Reflections from a Woman Alone, I put in an ad in the book just for fun.  It was supposed to be a joke.  Actually, if we women were really honest, it more true than not.  But, don’t copy it.  No one will answer.

 

Thought I’d include it here for your amusement. 

 One lady who never thinks of herself as middle-aged

and still looks at thirty-year-olds as possibilities

until she remembers, 

with stretch marks,

street smarts,

vaginal dryness but very nice eyes,

who is starting her diet and work out on Monday

 and is saving for an eyelift,

not quite emotionally secure nor, if the truth be known, financially(who plays the market)devours self-improvement books

and hasn’t improved,

with a touch of arthritis,

slightly elevated cholesterol,

but who has recently discovered a High Power

 Looking for: A George Clooney type, tanned, fit, spiritual, romantic, terrific dancer, rich as Croesus, kind as Jesus, totally devoted, into worshipping, hates eating at home, is sexually eager, brilliant, flies only First Class or private jet, adores shopping, caviar and suites on  world cruises. 

Would be nice, wouldn’t it?  Won’t happen!

 

 

Most internet dating sites will give you a free week but you have to be careful of that.  They will ask for your credit card and if you forget to cancel, you will be charged for at least a month.  Read the cancellation notice and exactly how to do it in case you chicken out.

 

Rule one:  You have to put your picture in the ad.  I know, you want to remain anonymous but you will get no answers if you don’t display your picture.   Look at it this way.  No one is going to pay to be on the dating site if they are not looking.  You want lookers.  Put on a recent, nice, smiley picture with no one else in it.  No, not even your dog.  You can mention you love dogs in your description. And nothing sexy.  You’ll send the wrong message to some nut out there.

 

If you don’t know how to scan and upload a picture, ask one of your techie friends to do it for you or – as a last resort, you can mail it to the site.  But it takes time to get on your profile that way and you’ll be using up your free week.

 

Rule two:  People will search the site by age group.  Like 30 to 40.  40 to 50 and so on.  If your age falls over by a year or two, LIE.  Get in the lower group because they are all lying - by at least five years. You can plead insanity and tell the truth later.  Remember to write down the year you put in the ad because you will forget.

 

Rule three:  Describe yourself as briefly as possible.  What you want to do is stress what you are looking for in a relationship. Tell the truth here.

 

Here’s an except from an ad I wrote for a friend as an example.  She happens to be beautiful, but I thought we should downplay that a little.  Steal part of it or the format if you like it but make it your own.

 

 

Pretty, petite, blue-eyed blond, DWF, funny, nice, adventurous and can be sophisticated if required.  My friends tell me that one of my strong points is that I am good company! 

I am seeking one 40sih-50ish man who is healthy, unattached and available.  He is probably more spiritual than religious.  A good man, who has made his way in the world and is now dedicated to living in it.  At home, he wants a comfortable environment, values mutual support and being in love with a close friend.

 It would be nice if he is gregarious but also craves quiet time and shares some of my likes:  Books, interesting cities, nice restaurants, a country place, laughing, opera, cooking, bargain hunting, oceans and  mountains – and just hanging out with friends and family and easy conversation.

 Sounds like a nice person?  She is and she got and still gets lots of inquires.

A few false starts but she’s still looking.

 

 

Please notice I did not mention the words that have become a cliché - like ethnic restaurants, flea markets, long walks (worse if you add in the rain) snuggling by a fireplace, comfortable in jeans or a formal, etc. etc. etc. These are in almost every ad.  You might also avoid people who answer you and say that they like these things.  Sounds like a broke, couch potato to me.  Probably none of them have a fireplace or worn formal dress since their sister got married ten years ago.

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There are mixed views on revealing things that make you sound too important.  People say that if you are a doctor, professional or have advanced degrees, it will put people off.

 

I remember Maureen Dowd’s quote when she won the Pulitzer.  She said, “I’ll never get a date again!”

 

My feeling is if they can’t take it, tough.  But maybe the information should be reserved until you actually have a telephone conversation or later if it turns into an actual date.

 

This is Part Two of my series on Internet Dating.  Come back and read Part Three  That is where the action starts!  Don’t miss it.

Click here   http://www.personal-growth-with-corinne-edwards.com/internet-dating-part-three/

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