As you probably know, posts are listed on this blog in date order.

This is part three and if you have not read part one or two – perhaps you should take a look at them first – especially part two.

Okay, you have decided to take the plunge and go on line to see who is out there and maybe find a relationship – or at least give it a trial. 

 You have posted your profile and picture on the dating website.  Probably you have chosen match.com (they are the largest) or JDate.com if your preference is for a Jewish match. Good!  You’ll enjoy it!

Some more advice from someone who has been there and my many friends who have reported their experiences!  Please add your comments at the end of  this article. We WELCOME and need your input!

First – you do not have to answer everyone who contacts you.  If  you have no interest,  just ignore the contact, or on most sites, you can block the person from contacting you again if they get persistant.  Remember, they have no idea who you are so don’t worry. Every contact is just through the site you are using so they don’t have your private email address.

Second – if the person looks like a possibility, you might want to write them a short cordial note and ask them for more information if their profile does not include things you’d like to know about.  Be nice.  Remember?  You said you were nice.

Be friendly and answer their questions if not too personal but do not give them your whole name, your contact information or your private email address.

This advice is not to alarm you, but remember you are going out into cyberspace to thousands of people.  Most of them are sincere in meeting a nice person but there are bound to be some characters out there.  Look at my post in Internet Dating #1.  Do you think I made those people up?  They were real.  But not one of them had my last name, address or home telephone number.  They were harmless but when I decided I was not interested, they were dust.  Gone.

Okay.  You found someone you might want to know.  After a few emails back and forth on the site, you might want to talk on the telephone.  Ask for their telephone number and a good time for you to call.

If you call them on your land line, find out how to block your number from their caller ID.  It’s usually something like putting in *67 before you dial.  Call your telephone server to advise you what the code is in your area.  You might have the same function on your cell phone. Check it.

In the meantime, do a search on the site and see if there is anyone else who interests you.  Send them a note.  On some sites, they have a feature call “wink.”   That will bring the person’s attention to your profile.  Don’t be shy.  This is supposed to be fun!  The site will also tell you when the person was last on line.  If it is a long time, unless they look fantastic, skip it.  They probably have met someone.  The best ones to contact are on often and recently.  They are active lookers.

Third – FIRST DATE!  Please don’t make it for dinner.  It could be an interminable two hours and you can’t get away.  Make it for coffee or a drink and meet the person in a public place.  Drive your own car.  Make sure you tell them you have an appointment right afterwards.  If turns out to be the person of your dreams – and you want to spend more time – you’ll just “cancel the appointment.”

You will probably have a lot of information now.  I always checked the person out even if they looked rock solid. (Sorry!  I’m careful!)  I had a male friend call their office and say they were checking for the exact spelling of their name and their title because they were writing a letter.  A receptionist will usually give that information.  If they connect you to him – just disconnect.  He works there if he or his secretary answers the phone.  And there is always Google.com.  They know everyone’s secrets!

Even on the second or third date, meet your new friend somewhere public and also drive your own car.  You’ll know when you want to give out more information.  Trust your gut at this point.

Don’t think you have to limit yourself to one person.  Pretend you are in high school.  Unless you were going steady, you dated different people.  Go and meet others.  This is an experiment so have a good time with it.  I can remember having a date every night when I was really into this.  Make notes after the date so you don’t get them mixed up.  Remember the person you met is probably doing the same thing.  Everybody is shopping around.

One question I get asked a lot – who pays?  My rule is the person who asks for the date.  Later, if you get close, you can negotiate and share things if they are expensive. I like to cook, so if someone I was seeing always paid for dinner, I would reciprocate by preparing a meal at my house for us.

But if on the first date they ask to split the check, scratch that one.  It is rude.  Especially, if it is just for coffee or a drink.  A cheapskate you don’t need.

I know you will meet some nice people – even if they turn out to just be friends.

And I wish you luck with doing better than that – meeting your soul mate!

If you get discouraged along the way, remember the song from Cabaret – you can hum it along with me.

What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play.
Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
Come to the Cabaret!