Do you worry?
I hear a faint “no” in the background. That’s OK. We know you are lying but you can hang out with the rest of us anyway.
A friend told me she has the answer. She sits by her bedroom window and visualizes a little toy train. The locomotive has a flag that says “Listen Universe! I can’t handle these. You take them and get back to me.”
The rest of the trains are open cars. She put a worry in each car and sends the train rolling up into the night sky.
She says it makes her feel better. I say, whatever helps.
My mother’s favorite quote was “90% of the things we worry about never happen. Other things happen.” Then she would add, “So, if you don’t know what is going to happen, why worry about it?”
There are people who feel that worrying is their job. If they worry enough, nothing bad will happen. They are holding it all together for the rest of us with their worrying. Somebody has to do it.
But, according to the gurus lately, they say what we focus on expands in our lives.
The Power of Intention people agree. Worry, according to them, sends a signal to the Universe so that those things come true. Scary thought.
All good reasons to quit worrying. But how do we stop? There seems to be so much uncertainty. Our whole life can change radically with one phone call.
The real definition of worry is FEAR. So, the first step is to label it. By labeling it you divide it out from the reality that is actually happening.
The Gestalt therapists used to advise that we asked the question, “Is anything hurting you now?”
The answer is usually nothing. What is hurting us is the fear that something unknown is out there just waiting to come in and take over our life. Or, that of a loved one.
So, the next question is, “What can I do about something that has not happened?”
The answer is again, nothing.
The truth is, when something really bad has happened in the past, we somehow have handled it. It is the devil we know. It is not something lurking out there. We may not like it but there are steps we took to handle the situation. We are resourceful. We are smart. We have done it and can do it again if we have to.
A lot of fear can be alleviated by taking action.
Your license plates have expired. You can’t buy them until payday. You’re worried you are going to get a ticket. Don’t drive your car. Take public transportation – get a ride. Then you don’t have to worry.
Your doctor has suggested a CT scan. You are worried. He gave you the forms but you haven’t called to book the exam. Call. Get an appointment. Then, try not to worry until he gets the results. You have taken action. It is a start.
You are short this month. Your mortgage is going to be late. You are reading about all the foreclosures in the paper. You’re worried.
You can be sure of one thing. Your bank does not want your house. They are not in the real estate sales business. Call them. Tell them when you can pay or make other arrangements. Don’t sit there and wait for the sheriff.
Same advice for credit card debt or the IRS. Never let these people come to you. Go to them. Call ten times until you get a supervisor who has some power. They don’t want to go to the trouble of suing you or garnishing your salary. They want to hear from you. Do it.
If we take the initiative regarding many of our worries, the pressure will lessen. We may still have the problem but we have done something to begin to solve it.
The rest of the worries we can’t do anything about unless they happen.
Keep your Power of Intention strong. Expect the best things to happen. Anticipate your vibrant health. Have confidence that you are resourceful and in your ability to handle your life as it comes along.
When trouble comes – as it does from time to time – you’ll deal with it. You’ve done it for years. Why would you stop now?
In the meantime, get out your old Bob Marley DVD and dance around in your living room to “Don’t worry! Be happy!”
It’s impossible to worry while you’re dancing.
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Hi Corinne,
Nice piece. It’s true that taking action can alleviate much fear and worry. Thanks for the reminder. I needed that.
I’d also like to add to your “It’s impossible to worry while you’re dancing.” It’s also impossible to sing when you’re angry. At least that’s what I hear and I’ve never been able to do both at the same time.
Blessings,
Irene
Irene´s last blog ..Is Intuition Hearing God’s Love?
A few million years ago homo sapiens developed the prefrontal cortex. It was a huge update to our brains. It allowed us to imagine the outcome of various scenarios. It has also been associated with planning complex cognitive behaviours, personality expression, decision making and moderating correct social behaviour.
Originally it may have served to warn us of impending danger from our actions eg. Don’t sleep on the edge of a cliff. Imagine what might happen. But to be honest it works too well.
It has its good points of course. You know you aren’t going to enjoy cabbage ice cream without even tasting it. The downside is sometimes we have to learn to ignore the bleating in our ear about all the terrible things which might happen. It’s not easy. I’m a worrier and I know. It remains true that most of the stuff we worry about never does happen and it has taken me a lot of years to get to that realisation.
Worrying eats away at our insides and guarantees unhappiness. When I get caught in the worrying web, I do something – anything. Whether it’s clean house, water plants, work-out at the gym, something to distract me or else something that points me in the direction of handling the thing I’m worrying about. Worrying is something we have to continually manage because, at least for me, it’s never going to go away.
Cheryl from thatgirlisfunny´s last blog ..Female UFC Fight Fans Are Hot! Actually, You Do Want to Date These Girls
Dear Irene -
You are brilliant.
” It’s also impossible to sing when you’re angry. At least that’s what I hear and I’ve never been able to do both at the same time.”
I wish I had said that.
Thanks for coming over and sharing your wisdom. Come back.
Dear Cheryl -
It’s never going to go away?
(sniff)
I think your distraction ideas are all good. I do them too.
But if I am really worried, I find it difficult to get off my chair and get the watering can and actually water the plants. I am an expert plant killer.
The idea is to FORCE yourself to do SOMETHING.
Thanks for the reminder to keep moving.
Hi Chris -
You are so smart. How come you are not teaching in a University? You should be. Think about it.
This is a new admission from you. You a worrier? I just thought you bounced around happily from day to day, writing, studying and enjoying the sea and the sunshine.
We worriers are comforted when we know we have company and don’t belong to an exclusive club.
I will be the first to admit I do worry. And I am never sure why b/c things seem to work out the way they should . Great article and hopefully it will help me become less worried!
My response to worry is “its like putting petrol (gas) on a bonfire”. Worrying doesn’t actually solve problems, but usually makes you feel worse.
I don’t believe in any LoA twaddle about sending signals into the Universe; worry does us enough internal damage without creating imaginary external pressures.
I love the Bob Marley quote but have to disagree, sadly, on one thing; I can say from experience that many people worry when they are dancing (about what others think they look like)!
Dear David -
About the dancing.
You pull down the shades in your living room, put the Marley DVD and dance ALONE!
The little train sent out to the Universe never worked for me. Wish it could. My friend who gave me the idea swears by it.
As I said, whatever works.
I so appreciate your devoted support which I try to return. Love your posts.
Dear Carico -
Yes, it is funny that things usually turn out to be best.
Sometimes, it takes time to see that. But you are right.
From Stan by email -
FROM GRANDMA WORRY IS THE HALITOSIS OF THE SOUL !!! GOD is saying “I got us through WWII I can us through this!
I’m not certain whether this will help other worriers but you can trust you unconscious to solve problems. In fact it does the job better than the conscious you. A number of times in life I have gone to bed with some intractable problem eg if I don’t act against my ethical beliefs I will get sacked. In the middle of the night I wake up and the answer is there. It’s miraculous, but you have to trust yourself enough to go to sleep and let the clever part of you do its stuff.
Worrying is closely linked with stress. There’s good stress and bad stress. The good stress might be self-imposed like driving a race car or something similar. The bad stress is stress you can’t do anything about.
Debt and health problems for example are intolerable, and it’s no good hiding from them. Relationships can be a heavy one too.
Anyway thank you for the compliment Corinne. I must just look smarter than I am. Remember the song by Louis Jordan: ‘If you’re so smart how come you ain’t rich?’ Well I manage to be neither.
Reed Badgley January 24, 2010 at 3:41 pm [edit]
You have much to be proud of, Corinne. Your interests are diverse,your talents many. I happen to belive your greatest treasure is your wisdom and ability to reach out to others. In your “essay” about worrying, I could not find your usual invitation to respond. So I will here. You share some excellent advice on how to ease the “worry pain” You are absolutely right. Worry is product of FEAR! A positive attitute is an excellent tonic to ease FEAR. Also try to not to think about yourself , rather think about others and how you can make a difference in another’s life….just like YOU do. I’d be will ing to bet a fortune that YOU, Corinne are not plagued by worry. Yes I would!
Hi Corinne,
very lovely article. It’s so true, worrying makes things worse. And yes, you are right, usually it’s fear that causes our worries. As I am reading a lot these days about communicating with the Universe (and placing my orders with them by the way
) this post fits perfectly in my approach to become better and better every day. It all comes together and we as human beings are so much greater than these worries. Sometimes I think if they are devil made and designed to keep us down . You can also see a tendency of our society to support us worrying, because it’s so much easier to control people when they are in fear.
Again thank you so much for this post, I appreciate it very much!
Phil´s last blog ..Mark up your charts
I Don’t worry anymore. I have learned that the sun is going to always come up in the morning.
Take a box or can and label it “The Worry Container”, write your worries out everytime you have one and put in the container. At the end of the week check them and you will fine they aren’t important. Either it was just a problem that need solved or it really didn’t matter.
Debbie
happymaker´s last blog ..They Laughed When I Sat Down at the Keyboard; Now I Need Your HELP!
Dear Happymaker -
I have a friend who has a “Worry Container.”
Here’s her twist on it.
She takes them out every so often and burns them in her kitchen sink.
Then she flushes the ashes down the toilet.
What do you think of that?
And yes, the sun does come up in the morning.
(but not always in Chicago!)
Dear Phil -
This is so true -
“You can also see a tendency of our society to support us worrying, because it’s so much easier to control people when they are in fear.”
That’s why Dr. Andrew Weil advises us not to look at the news after 6 PM. There is no GOOD news, for the most part on TV. It is depressing.
Yes, I also give my orders to the Universe. Hope it is listening.
Although, it is said, God is not the bellhop in the sky.
Sometimes, looking back, I give thanks for the prayers that were not answered.
Dear Corinne,
I like the idea of burning the worries and them flushing them.
Sorry about the sun not shining in Chicago. Actual it does come up, you just have trouble seeing when it does. We do have days like that too, but not as many as you people do. I’ll try to send some sunshine your way.
Have a great day.
Debbie
happymaker´s last blog ..Happiness Happens When You Least Expect It!
I suppose by taking action we also get some sense of control over what’s worrying us. This control, even though it may only be minor, may help stop the worry.
Sam´s last blog ..CHINA ETF