GROWING OLDER – Being a good sport

We are always the same age inside.    Gertrude Stein

Your birthday is coming up or has just past.  Maybe it is a big number ending with a zero or a five.  Those are the toughest ones.  The others in between seem to slide by like they haven’t happened.

You are in good health and are taking care of yourself but the scary part is when you look at the Obituaries in the paper there are now names you recognize.  You probably never even looked before.

And a good friend has died.  A couple have developed sicknesses.  Bad ones.

The reason that social security is in trouble is that they never expected so many to live past 65 – long enough to collect the benefits.  Not true anymore.

Here are a few suggestions that you might consider to weather this storm.  They follow the five stages of grief that Elizabeth Kubler Ross made famous.  In a way, getting older is a form of grief

1.  DENIAL.  Of course, the first thing is you start lying about your age. (Someone once told me you have to start lying by at least five years because everyone else is lying and they immediately add five years on to what you claim is your age)

It doesn’t help you because you know the truth and you are the one who is being affected.  So, my first suggestion is to tell the truth because you are then admitting it to yourself.  You don’t have to shout it to the treetops, but if it comes up, tell the truth.  That is the beginning of freedom.  You will probably be surprised because instead of someone feeling sorry for you because you are SO OLD, you will probably hear, “You have got to be kidding!  You look great!” And it gives other people confidence that they will live as long and look as good as you do.  It’s a public service.

2.  ANGER.  I haven’t done —- (Fill in your grievances here)  Then, get a yellow pad and get really mad about what you think you have missed.  Include your petty illness, your aches and pains and the fact that your body looks terrible.  Don’t leave anything out you have missed and feel you may never do.  Include things like you don’t have quite the energy you used to have.  Get it all out.  Remember, no one else will see this list but you and there is relief in admitting all to your self.   Awareness of any problem is the first step in healing.

3.  BARGAINING.  Please God let me live long enough to (again your list)

Decide you will.

When I was in the travel business,  I had a client who owned a funeral parlor.  He used to book a big trip between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  He called it his “slow season.”  I was curious about it because it was also flu season. Didn’t a lot of people die then?  He told me people who make it past the first holiday do not die because they decide not to.  So decide you will live long enough for your bargain to manifest.  Chances are you will, even if your wish is several years away.  The Power of Intention is truly powerful!

4.  DEPRESSION.  You may need some medical help with this.  Do not be ashamed to talk to your doctor.  A round of anti-depressants might give you a lift so you can get on with the life you have left.  It is very hard to reinvent yourself if you are depressed.  And, literally, this is your next step.  One of the hardest parts of getting older is not having a goal, a passion.  We are very ready to say, What’s the use?”

The “use” is that we have learned a lot.  We have made mistakes.  We have had successes.  There are young people out there who need to know what we know – including your children and grandchildren.  They are hungry for your guidance and your experience.  There are small businesses that are struggling and you have gone through it.  There are organizations like the Girls and Boys Club who could use you to help kids who have no responsible parents who need your wisdom and help with their homework.    You may say you don’t have the energy.  You may have to push yourself to volunteer once a week but you will feel better about it after that day.  And you won’t feel so lonely. 

You owe the planet something by taking up all that space for so many years.  It is time to pay your bills.  Do you think that someone who needs help is going to say, “Thanks, but you are too old?”  No way.

5.  ACCEPTANCE.  We all have this little secret.  Everyone else is going to die except us.  So, this is the toughest one. Chances are that we have a number of years to go before we go.   But what has to be faced is that this is the downhill side of the slope now.  But if you are reading this, you are still alive.  And, if you are still alive, it means that there is a reason for it.  It is up to each of us to decide that reason. 

And when it is time to say goodbye to this world,  please God, let us be grateful for the opportunities this life has given us.  It has been a wild and wonderful ride!

And help us to go on gracefully to whatever is next.