What’s wrong with just flaking out?

You just got “downsized?” (Fancy word for fired)

After seven years, your lover just told you he loves you but “is not in love with you” anymore. Would someone explain that to me?

A loved one has died.

(Add your problem here)

Society and many self help gurus tell you – stop whining. Just get back on the bus. Keep busy.

I had a mother in law once whose mantra was “busy.” She was also a compulsive talker and a caricature of herself.

Her conversations would drive anyone crazy. Here is one she had with me on the telephone after I had a huge disappointment.

“You gotta get busy. It’s good to be busy. Stanley and I went to the mall yesterday and we saw some blue plates. And I said to him we don’t need plates but we’re here and we gotta stay busy and the plates were nice so we bought the plates. We can get rid of the old plates. It will keep us busy. New plates will be nice. And it’s good for us to go to the mall even if we don’t need a thing because if you are not busy you think too much. So, get going. Do something. Stay busy.”

Your friends will advise. “Forget him. Get out there. He was never good enough for you anyway. (Actually, they were right on that one) Stop moping around the house.” Get going!”

Your spiritual counselor says, “Everyone has loss. It is part of life. Put it behind you. Move on.”

What about doing nothing for a while? Spending some time alone.

If you have a job, you have to show up. But, put on some extra makeup. Look good so people don’t notice you are falling apart.

Your part in this is you stop talking about it. The world is a weird place. Years ago, when there was a death in the family, you were allowed to wear black and grieve for a year.

No more. We get about two minutes and that’s it. Over and out. Done.

This is your formal permission to do nothing at all until you are ready. To sit in your chair in the living room and watch the political news and that’s it. Or stare at the ceiling.

But, you have to have a good excuse to get all these people off your back while you are in recovery.

I was lucky because I am a writer. I told all my friends I was finally writing the great American novel and I was completely immersed in it. I finally had some time to do it.

But, if you are not a writer, you can lie. Become one for the time being. Or find something else. People understand obsession. They will forgive you if they think you are “busy” doing something! It makes them feel better.

Then, retreat. Healing does not come all at once. Your neurological system is in tatters. You are out of gas and have four flat tires.

As you start to come out of it, try going someplace alone where no one knows you. Sometimes, a little change of scenery is helpful. Even for a short time.

The old adage that “time heals” is true. You will adjust. But it is very hard to do if everyone is pushing you.

And if you happen to find some blue plates along the way that you don’t need, buy them.

Blue plates are a nice change of scenery and will keep you busy.

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