DYING – and it can’t happen here

We are always the same age inside. Gertrude Stein

We all have this  secret.  Everyone else is going to die except us.

The scary part recently is you are starting to look at the Obituaries in the paper with special emphasis on the ages which are younger than you even if you don’t know the people.  You probably never even looked before

STOP READING THE OBITS IMMEDIATELY.

If your name is there you won’t care anymore.  All you will remember is the wild and wonderful ride.

And if there is a person you happen to know -  someone will call you and tell you.  People love to spread bad news.

This is probably triggered by a birthday ending with a zero.  It could be as little as 30.  Those are the toughest ones.  The others in between seem to slide by like they haven’t happened.

Or good friend has died.  Some have developed sicknesses.  Bad ones.

Chances are that you have a number of years to go. But could it be the downhill side of the mountain?

Here are a few suggestions that you might consider to weather this storm.  They follow the five stages of grief that Elisabeth Kubler Ross made famous.  In a way, getting older is a form of grief

1.  DENIAL.  Of course, the first thing is you start lying about your age. (Someone once told me you have to start lying by at least five years because everyone else is lying so they immediately add five years on to what you claim is your age)

Some people will know.  You will probably be surprised because instead of feeling sorry for you because you are SO OLD, you will probably hear, “You have got to be kidding!  You look great!”

And it gives other people confidence that they will live as long and look as good as you do.  It’s a public service.

2.  ANGER.  I haven’t done —- (Fill in your grievances here)  Get a yellow pad and get really mad about what you think you have missed.

Don’t leave anything out you may never do.  Include things like you don’t have quite the energy you used to have.  Get it all out.  Remember, no one else will see this list but you and there is relief in admitting it.

YES, YOU CAN STILL DO SOME OF THE THINGS ON YOUR LIST.

3.  BARGAINING.  Please God let me live long enough to (again your list)

Decide you will.

When I was in the travel business, I had a client who owned a funeral parlor.  He used to book a big trip between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  He called it his “slow season.”  I was curious about it because it was also flu season. Didn’t a lot of people die then?  He told me people who make it past the first holiday do not die because they decide not to.  So decide you will live long enough for your bargain to manifest.

4.  DEPRESSION.  Do not be ashamed to talk to your doctor.  A round of anti-depressants might give you a lift so you can get on with your life.  It is very hard to reinvent yourself if you are depressed.

One of the hardest parts of getting older is not having a goal, a passion.  We are very ready to say, “What’s the use?”

The “use” is that we have learned a lot.  We have made mistakes.  We have had successes.  There are young people out there who need to know what we know – including your children and grandchildren.  They are hungry for your guidance and your experience.

There are small businesses that are struggling and you have gone through it.  There are organizations like the Girls and Boys Club who could use you to help kids who need your wisdom and help with their homework.    You may say you don’t have the energy.  You may have to push yourself to volunteer once a week but you will feel better about your life after that day.

You owe the planet something by taking up space for so many years.  It is time to pay your bills.  Do you think that someone who needs help is going to say, “Thanks, but you are too old?”  No way.

5.  ACCEPTANCE. .  If you are reading this, accept the obvious.  You are still alive.  And, if you are still alive, it means that there is a reason for it.

WHAT IS THAT REASON?

TELL US ABOUT IT.

Photo by justemi

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