DOING NOTHING WHEN YOU’RE DOWN – and blue plates

What’s wrong with doing nothing?

You just got “downsized.” (Fancy word for fired)

After seven years, your lover just told you he loves you but “is not in love with you” anymore.

A loved one has died.

(Add your problem here)

Society and many self help gurus tell you – stop whining.  Keep busy.

I had a friend whose mantra was “busy.” She was also a compulsive talker.

Here is a conversation she had with me on the telephone after I had a huge disappointment.

“You gotta get busy. It’s good to be busy. Stanley and I went to the mall yesterday and we saw some blue plates. And I said to him we don’t need plates but we’re here and we gotta stay busy and the plates were nice so we bought the plates. We can get rid of the old plates. It will keep us busy. New plates will be nice. And it’s good for us to go to the mall even if we don’t need a thing because if you are not busy you think too much. So, get going. Do something. Stay busy.”

Your friends will advise. “Forget him. Get out there. He was never right for you anyway. Stop moping around the house.”  Get going.”

“Are you seeing someone yet?”

Or –

“You were too good for that job.  Get going and find one you deserve.”

Your spiritual counselor says, “Everyone has loss. It is part of life. Put it behind you.  Move on.”

What about doing nothing for a while?

Spending some time alone.

Stop talking about it. The world is a cold place. Years ago, when there was a death in the family, you were allowed to wear black and grieve for a year.

No more. We get about two weeks.  “She’s in a better place.”  That’s it.   Done. “Life goes on.”

This is your formal permission to do nothing at all until you are ready. To sit in your chair in the living room and watch old movies. Or stare at the ceiling.

Eat ice cream.

You have to have a good excuse to get all these people off your back while you are in recovery.

I was lucky because I am a writer. I told all my friends I was finally writing the great American novel and I was completely immersed in it. I finally had some time to do it.

If you are not a writer, become one for the time being. Or find something else. People understand obsession. They will forgive you if they think you are “busy” doing something.

It makes them feel better.

Then, retreat. Healing does not come all at once. Your neurological system is in tatters. You are out of gas and have four flat tires.

The old adage that “time heals” is true. You will adjust. But it is very hard to do if everyone is pushing you.

And if you happen to find some blue plates along the way that you don’t need, buy them.

Blue plates are a nice change and will keep you busy.

You’ve always liked blue anyway, haven’t you?

While you are in recovery – have a listen to these smart people. Interviews by Andrew Rondeau.  Get inspired while you are flaking out.

N.B.  For the sequel to this post, you might enjoy -

A Woman Without A Man – Getting Out of the House

Picture by retrovertgoetsy

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