OK.  I know.  You can tell me.  Your place is a mess!

I see that pile of newspapers a foot high next to your chair in the living room.  And the mess in your closet – shoes piled up on the floor.  Your office.  Where is that file, anyway?  And you can’t find the top you bought last week to go with your beige linen pants.  Where the hell is it?  You hung it somewhere. You want to wear it today and you are late.

The pile of newspapers includes six months of the Saturday Review of Literature.  You can’t throw those out because you want to read them.  Of course.  But when?  You haven’t read one for months. (All right.  You can keep the Saturday Reviews and clip the Maureen Dowd articles)  But, the rest is same old, same old news.  Just check CNN if you want to know what’s going on. Get rid of the rest of the pile.

Do we dare talk about your linen closet?  All those old 100% cotton sheets you have had for years that need to be ironed?  Are you saving them in case we need bandages for a war?  Out. Those frayed towels?  Handy to have in case of a flood but have you had any floods lately?  They must go.

It is time.

Get some stretchable garbage bags.  Big ones.  You don’t have to do this all at once, so don’t be afraid.  The easy part is the linen closet. There are people who need those sheets and towels so don’t feel bad about giving them away.  Put them in the bag.  Tidy up what is left and you are through.  You deserve beautiful, lush towels for yourself.  If you don’t have any, go to a discount store and buy some.  They may have last years stock – who cares? - but they are still gorgeous and will make you feel nurtured and pampered when you reach for a towel after a shower.  Get an extra pair of sheets.  Lovely ones you don’t have to iron. You deserve it.  You are the best company who will ever entertain in your house.   Indulge!

Face it.  Horror of horrors.  It is now time for your CLOSET.

Start at the front of the closet and inspect the first twelve items.  What is there that you have not worn in two years?  Take those things out and lay them on your bed. Fold them neatly and place them in another garbage bag.  Lots of organizers say one year but I know what will happen.  You will put the bag in your car to bring to Goodwill or wherever then go out tomorrow and return half of them back to the closet.  Two years you can live with.  Keep some of the very dressy things that fit.  They are handy to have if your have an occasion to attend – but I am talking about everything else.  This cleaning out your life!

Repeat for the next twelve and the next until you have a full garbage bag.

OK.  You are through for today.  But you have started.  Bring everything to your local charity or collection box right away.  I told you.  You don’t want to change your mind.  The trick is to get these bags out of your life immediately.

Repeat the closet clean out again in about a week.  Or sooner, if you can.  Until everything in your closet is something you wear or will wear.

I met Regina Leeds, author of the Zen of Organization, a few years back and followed some of her rules.  I say some because she said take EVERYTHING out of your closet at one time.  Easy enough for her to say. That involves a big slot of time so I didn’t do it that way.  But, if you can do it, that is ideal.  It was too traumatic for me to get rid of everything at once.  After all, I was sure I was going to lose 20 pounds and fit into those size 6 outfits again.  I had to give up that ghost and convince myself slowly that in the unlikely event that it should happen, I would buy some new clothes in that size. 

The next step is the important one.  It will help you find the beige top.

Your closet probably has some space in it now so this is going to be easier than you thought.  It will take an hour or so.

Regina says we should treat our closet like a filing system.  All colors together.  All similar things – like pants – shirts – long sleeve – short sleeve also hung together and hung up according to color.  Then, you can find things.

And it is easy to keep up.  I did it about three years ago and I have to admit it takes no longer to hang the red shirt together with other reds than to stick it at the end of the rod.

Regina changed my getting ready time.  Another thing it accomplished is I saw how many duplicates I had.

Why do we keep buying the same thing over and over?  Because we forget what we have. Or, we can’t find what we have.

So, little by little, I cleared out my closet.  I went to the Container Store and bought some little plastic shoe boxes that clip together.  They are probably on their website. Yup!  Just looked.  Look under shoe boxes.  How’s that for service? 

The moral of this story is if this pack rat can do it, so can you.

I’ll tell you a secret.  I still haven’t done my office.  I need a shredding machine and I have this terrible fear that the IRS will come to audit my 1988 tax return as soon as I get rid of it.

But, now that I have written this all down, it is on my list.  I’ll let you know.

In the meantime, invest in Regina Leed’s new book.  It is just for people like us.

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Decluttering by Regina Leeds   I am putting it on my Book Picks list which will tell you more about it.