DECISION - When you don’t know what to do
You are at a complete impasse.
You have a big decision to make and you just don’t know what to do. We have all been there. Can I afford this car? Should I quit this job? Make an offer on that house? Get a divorce?
We feel like we are in a state of paralysis. We can’t go back. We can’t go forward. We are stuck. Here are a few suggestions.
1. Unless this is a life or death situation, consider putting off making a decision for right now. Not making a decision is a decision.
This has a bad name called procrastination. Every article I read says we have to conquer this habit. My question is, “Why?” It could mean you are just not ready to make a move on your dilemma right now.
2. Give yourself permission to heal from whatever you are facing. Perhaps you need space in your heart away from it for a while. That does not mean quit your job. Show up on time and give it lip service. You can look busy without being busy. Take some personal days. Or, if you have vacation time coming, use it. You don’t have to go away. Stay home and turn off the phone. You can even tell people that you are away. They won’t call.
3. Don’t let anyone pressure you to do something because it is the deal of the century. There is always another deal right around the corner. Another car, another house – another job - even a new relationship. And chances are the deal that is being presented will be there later.
4. Resist talking things over with all your friends. Everyone loves to give advice and you will be more confused than ever. You might want to consider a short term life coach or a therapist who has no agenda about what you should do. They will just explore your options with you.
5. Get a notebook and write about it. Write three pages every day about anything. You have to go to the cleaners, write it down – just random thoughts without punctuation and not necessarily about your problem. I have found after about a page and a half things start to come out without your pushing it. Do not read these pages over. Just write them. Try it for at least a week.Your intuition knows what to do about this. It will start breaking through.
6. Ask yourself the question, “What is the worst thing that can happen here?” Then go on to the next question, “Can I handle it?” The answer is probably yes.
7. Remember that it is your choice. It is your life. You are not accountable to anyone but yourself. It may not make you popular but it will be empowering. Stand your ground.
8. When you finally quiet down and therefore get rid of some of the fear, listen to your gut. You can’t hear or feel this when you are scared. What do the opposite sides of this decision feel like?
9. Even if you never pray, pray now. Ask for guidance and clarity and the best thing to happen. I remember a man telling me that he did not believe in a Higher Power so he decided to pray to the ceiling in his room. He told me the ceiling helped him.
10. Remind yourself that ten years from now this decision will not be so important. You will wonder what all the fuss was about.
In spite of all this introspection, if you find that you must make a decision – as Nike says so well, “JUST DO IT!”
You can plead insanity later.
Great advice, particularly the last part where it says, JUST DO IT.
Loved the list. Decisions do not always have to be made, especially when everyone is pressuring you to go with it.
For instance, I’m on the board of a foundation and was vice chair. The chair suddenly resigned for personal reasons, thrusting me into the position prematurely. I knew deep down I did not want it for my own reasons. So I bravely announced to the board I did not wish to continue as a chair and asked that they select a new one. They did and it was over.
I did wonder, briefly, if I would suddenly become unpopular or shunned because of the decision. I was not. Everything seems to be as it was before the “step-down” decision.
Hi Stephen -
As usual, a continuation of the conversation from you. That is what is it all about.
I think that sometimes we feel we are more important than we are. Funny. how we get replaced. Your experience ia a great lesson to us all.
It comes down to knowing we are important to ourselves. no one else is running the show!
I enjoy conversations like this because they enhance the learning process and make me think deeply. Not to say I don’t have fun - I do! But I also like taking something like this and go deeper and then learn from it.
Thanks for being you and for writing to your heart’s contents. It makes your readers feel like you care and you do.
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Hi Corinne, good post!
To become a better decision maker, we should practice making decision and not considering them as a burden, just think that it’s another chance of practice, to train you to become better!
Corinne, When I feel so overwhelmed with a decision I never make it. I feel all decisions made when I’m in a state of confusion are better left until later - unless that means that by not making a decision something will happen. Then I’ll just choose something - most decisions can be reversed, or slowed.
Decisions are best made when you feel clear headed, and clear hearted.
That’s a great way to put it, Michelle CLEAR HEARTED!
Good decisions need a clear path and of course the path is mainly through the feelings of the heart!
Robert - a good comment on the practice of making decisions. We could even start by not studying a menu for a long time! Just pick something!