We say we want to change.  Make our lives better.  We read self-help books; watch the DVD of The Secret over and over.  But do we?

I have a friend who has a mini-bookstore in his house.  He buys hundreds of personal growth books.  He doesn’t read them but he feels comfort and more secure because they are on his bookshelf.  He tells me that one day he will read them all and his life will change.  In the meantime, he just wants to have them ready.

Anthony DeMello, the late Jesuit/Mystic priest, said we really don’t want to change.  We don’t want a cure.  All we want is relief.

He pictures most of humanity standing in sewer water up to our noses.  We are not really interested in getting out of the sewer.  We just don’t want anyone to make waves.

Do you remember the EST program of training?  They used to talk about “4th tunnel – no cheese.”

Experiments were done with rats.  They were put in an enclosed space surrounded by four tunnels.  The first day, cheese was placed in the fourth tunnel.  Of course, the rats smelled it and ran down and ate it. 

The next day, there was no cheese in that tunnel so the rats went down the other three tunnels to look for cheese.

We humans are not as smart as rats.  We believe that if there was cheese once, it is bound to be there again.

So we run down the same tunnel with the same hope over and over again.  We don’t investigate any other options. 

So, why don’t we just change?

It’s a four letter word.  FEAR.  It is the devil we know.  And most of the fear is because we have not prepared for the change.  We all fear sudden change.

Let’s talk about your miserable job.  You hang on and hang on and make no effort to look for something else.  And I will tell you this, as long as you are miserable, you will not get another job.  That misery and unhappiness will send a signal to anyone who will interview you. 99% of communication is mental.

I am probably the last one in the world who has seen the DVD, The Secret.  I am very familiar with the program because I have followed Jerry and Esther Hicks and have attended the seminars which inspired it.

But you always get something new from something you already know.  The big message I got from the DVD is that you have to start being grateful for what you have.  I’d forgotten that.

I would love to have a new kitchen.  Every time I walk into the room I think how shabby it is.  But, I have a beautiful new stove.  So, since I saw that program, I walk in and look at that stove and feel gratitude.   The kitchen still needs a do-over, but it does not seem to inspire the discontent in the last few days.  (If The Secret is right, I will have a new kitchen too!)

There must be something about your job that can conjure up some gratitude.  Do you have a safe place to park?  Do you have high speed Internet?  Is the water cooler really cold?  Do you have a nice friend there?  There is something.  Find it. Keep concentrating on those things.  You know what they are.

This may not keep you from wanting to be out of there but it will improve your chances of finding something else because your affect will be different.  You will not come across as a beaten down person.

Next – I am not rushing you here – get your resume up to date.  You haven’t done that, have you?  And your cover letter.   After that is done, pay a professional to do it over and bring it up to today’s standards.

You cannot afford to put your resume on line because your HR department may find it.  So, you will have to do the work.  Watch the ads in the newspaper.  Decide who you would like to work for and go to their website and look for job openings.  No professional company will jeopardize your job by checking your references until they are making you an offer.  And now you have a great resume, so you are ready.

This will all take time and you will find, with each step, you will feel less fear.

Perhaps you are unhappy in a personal relationship.  Unless, it involves physical or terrible abuse, in which case you have to act now – you have to make your plans.

Again, the gratitude game again.  Perhaps, it is your good health.  Find something.  Love your garden.  Be grateful your children are doing well in school.  Start there.  Concentrate on whatever you can find where you can feel gratitude.  It will improve your state of mind and give you courage.

Then, start somewhere.  Many people stay in relationships because of financial reasons.  Start stashing some money away out of your household allowance. Perhaps, you will have to take some courses.  Go back and get your degree.  You may need a job if you leave.  Prepare.  Don’t just sit there and complain.  At the end of this relationship, there is life left.  You will survive.

Make your plans and act on them.  Don’t share your plans with just anyone – or anyone at all.  It will confuse you because they will all give you advice.  This is your plan and yours alone.

There are many more examples that I can give.  But, you know what future you want.  Go for it.

There was a book published years ago called Winning Through Intimidation.  It is still available in used copies on Amazon.  One part of it changed my life.

The author, Robert J. Ringer, talked about the “Ice-Ball Theory.”  He said that in millions of years the earth will just be an ice ball.  And, since the earth will  be an ice ball and we will not be here, we should view life as only a game.  And, if life is just a game, why not play it to win?

Many of us are in miserable life situations which we could liken to sitting on a large grid which is electrified.  We are in constant shock.  Excruciating pain.  We sit there trying to figure out how to turn the current off instead of getting to our feet and walking off the grid.

Is it time for you to walk off the grid?