Great article and you’re right. No matter what the crisis, we need a listener, not a problem-solver.

PTSD from war, government coups or severe natural disasters leave deep wounds that are barely covered. As soon as they are touched in any way, they are open and raw, and you are back where it all began. People with such wounds need someone to listen and not pour salt into them.

If you blog about a situation you are going through and your main problem with your situation is the trauma you suffered (like being in south Louisiana and hit by Katrina and Rita, then having a relapse when Gustav took out houses all around you), people who comment on your stories when you seem confused and not making progress, or even sense, are very critical and often outright cruel.

I told off a couple of commenters on my debt free or bust blog. Then, I turned off comments completely.

One commenter started his own blog to ridicule me since he can’t do it on my blog any more. He didn’t realize I would still get pingbacks when he linked to my blog from his. He’s pathetic. He picks on one guy in particular. I’m listed under “Other Tards” meaning, I’m sure, retards. The only purpose of this guy’s blog is to pick on other people.

People like that not only don’t listen, they tell you how you should solve your problems. If you don’t do what he tells you he finds it acceptable to harass and ridicule you about it for being “stupid” in his opinion and worthy of his wrath.

I understand why vets and others don’t want to talk about their feelings with anyone who hasn’t been there. Those who haven’t been there are too big a risk.

I understand why the IAVA’s veterans-only site, communityofveterans.org, is locked to outside users. They don’t even allow family members on it; they have a separate site for family. If you’re interested in the site for a veteran, they can sign up there, and the link to the family site is on their home page. It is veteran owned and run, and only veterans are members.

Sherri
.-= Being the Change I Wish to See – Sherri´s last blog ..Origins of Influenza A (H1N1) and Precautions =-.

I am a big fan – so it means a lot to me to get such a great compliment from you.

“People are hurting.” So true of all of us. We all need comforting some of the time. And it does not take a great effort.

Even a sincere compliment will do it! You did it today.

You are full of wisdom and compassion. Sadly, the situation in the world today means there is a growing need for this kind of comfort. People are hurting, they need their mommy.

Jonathan – Advanced Life Skillss last blog post..67 Ways to Make Him Feel Super Respected

I am familiar with Jerry Jampolsky’s “Attitudinal Healing.”

It is very similar to the active listening techniques we were taught.

People need attention. We all crave understanding. We welcome a friend or a stranger,like an anonymous person on a crisis line. Sometimes, I got the same person a few times a week. It may have been the only avenue he had to connect.

I appreciate your attention and faithful following of my articles. Waiting for you to start up again.

This is the crux of everything in life and in political negotiations -

“It is not our right to change others, nor is it their right to change us, as long as we are law abiding citizens. We are who we are and it is freedom that alows us to be!”

Hopefully, we are now starting to learn this.

You were the smart ones and stayed out of the senseless war in Iraq. We sent our children there – and they were children!

The training given by the crisis line stands true in everyday situations too. Listening is the best favor we can do for people who confide in us.

Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I can see that a vet would be more comfortable talking to another who has “been there.”

But saving that, it is important to talk. And to have someone listen. “Mommies”are good at that. We are not as likely to say – Pull yourself together!

I knew a young couple years ago. He was a sweet small town boy until he spent two years in Korea. He came back a violent person and they finally got a divorce. They had no label in those days for “traumatic stress” disorders. Looking back, that is definitely what he had. Thankfully, as you said, it is recognized today.

Wow! You have really made a great contribution to the discussion here with all your comments.

It is important to share with others what you have experienced.

And I do agree that most people are doing the best they can. And definitely not always according to our standards.

I have had the privilege of talking very heart-to-heart with some Nam Marines. I have learned that there is no such thing as an ex-Marine. I have counseled returning Iraq soldiers. But there is no way I could ever really understand the brotherhood. Thank god they have that.

I can however be of some assistance as a woman. I’m like a big sister or in some cases, a mother and they can cry and go bananas in front of me and they know it’s ok.

I am always so pleased to assist any of these wonderful men.
It is my honor.