My fellow blogger, Caroline Middlebrook, has had another relationship breakup. This coupling was shorter than the first one. She has not kept either a secret.
I am so sorry, Caroline. You did not deserve any more pain.
The first one was a long term relationship. She wrote about it on her blog and her transparency about her feelings and almost devastating breakdown inspired hundreds of people to comment, support her and give advice. Including me.
The interesting thing about blogging is that you start to develop relationships with total strangers who are half way around the world. Caroline is in the UK. I am in Illinois. But my heart broke for her.
Caroline wrote an article about how she was dealing with the despair of this latest loss. I will enclose the link at the end of this post. It is worth reading and forwarding to anyone you know who is dealing with grief.
Among the valuable suggestions in her article on coping with despair is that she called a crisis line. It takes guts to make that first call but it can be a lifesaver. I worked on one for some time as a volunteer and I know that the main benefit is that you get to talk to someone who will LISTEN to you. Friends are inclined to give too much advice. The trained people on the crisis lines will not give you anything but their complete attention. They will hear you out. They will not interfere unless they feel your life is in danger. You don’t even have to give them your real name.
Caroline is a super techie and usually helps dummies like me to understand that area better.
But blogging is such a personal activity that if you are keeping up with your schedule of posting articles you are almost forced to write about what is happening in your life – because it is the only thing on your mind.
When my best friend, Arlene, died a few weeks ago, Caroline’s openness gave me the courage and permission to write about it. I had the same reactions she did. People responded. They comforted me. They thanked me for sharing my friend with them.
We all have done the “in-between person,” but excuse me; I think men do this more often than women. I think it has something to do with their not knowing how to sort the laundry into whites and darks. After a few weeks of being alone, everything they own is gray. They need someone fast.
When I was a widow, I placed a personal ad. A nice widower answered. A psychologist. I went out with him a few times. He said he was a “recent” widower. I discovered after a month or two that he had answered my ad two days after his wife had died. I consider that pretty “recent.” The only thing I could assume is that he answered from his laptop in the funeral parlor at her wake.
I am hoping that Caroline will get over this latest breakup quickly.
It could have been the “in-between person” we often plug in to get over the horrific pain of separation after a failed relationship.
Although, I am not discrediting the “in-between” person and their usefulness in our progress toward healing. Everything we do in life has its benefit. Everything is a new learning experience and contributes to the sum total of who we are.
But I do wonder why we don’t take the time to absorb the loss before we are ready for another relationship. If only to get to know ourselves a little better. To present a clean slate to another person instead of a seriously crippled version of who we are.
And who we are is a beautiful human being who is loving and willing to be loved. I have never met Caroline personally but I can tell from her writings that she is one of those beautiful people.
I think Caroline will take a little time out now. She has many devoted friends and family. She sounds like she is being supported by them.
And the thousands of friends she has made on the Internet are also rooting for her.