BREAKUP! – and the “in between person”

by Corinne

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My fellow blogger, Caroline Middlebrook, has had another relationship breakup. This coupling was shorter than the first one. She has not kept either a secret.

I am so sorry, Caroline. You did not deserve any more pain.

The first one was a long term relationship. She wrote about it on her blog and her transparency about her feelings and almost devastating breakdown inspired hundreds of people to comment, support her and give advice. Including me.

The interesting thing about blogging is that you start to develop relationships with total strangers who are half way around the world. Caroline is in the UK. I am in Illinois. But my heart broke for her.

Caroline wrote an article about how she was dealing with the despair of this latest loss. I will enclose the link at the end of this post. It is worth reading and forwarding to anyone you know who is dealing with grief.

Among the valuable suggestions in her article on coping with despair is that she called a crisis line. It takes guts to make that first call but it can be a lifesaver. I worked on one for some time as a volunteer and I know that the main benefit is that you get to talk to someone who will LISTEN to you. Friends are inclined to give too much advice. The trained people on the crisis lines will not give you anything but their complete attention. They will hear you out. They will not interfere unless they feel your life is in danger. You don’t even have to give them your real name.

Caroline is a super techie and usually helps dummies like me to understand that area better.

But blogging is such a personal activity that if you are keeping up with your schedule of posting articles you are almost forced to write about what is happening in your life – because it is the only thing on your mind.

When my best friend, Arlene, died a few weeks ago, Caroline’s openness gave me the courage and permission to write about it. I had the same reactions she did. People responded. They comforted me. They thanked me for sharing my friend with them.

We all have done the “in-between person,” but excuse me; I think men do this more often than women. I think it has something to do with their not knowing how to sort the laundry into whites and darks. After a few weeks of being alone, everything they own is gray. They need someone fast.

When I was a widow, I placed a personal ad. A nice widower answered. A psychologist. I went out with him a few times. He said he was a “recent” widower. I discovered after a month or two that he had answered my ad two days after his wife had died. I consider that pretty “recent.” The only thing I could assume is that he answered from his laptop in the funeral parlor at her wake.

I am hoping that Caroline will get over this latest breakup quickly.

It could have been the “in-between person” we often plug in to get over the horrific pain of separation after a failed relationship.

Although, I am not discrediting the “in-between” person and their usefulness in our progress toward healing. Everything we do in life has its benefit. Everything is a new learning experience and contributes to the sum total of who we are.

But I do wonder why we don’t take the time to absorb the loss before we are ready for another relationship. If only to get to know ourselves a little better. To present a clean slate to another person instead of a seriously crippled version of who we are.

And who we are is a beautiful human being who is loving and willing to be loved. I have never met Caroline personally but I can tell from her writings that she is one of those beautiful people.

I think Caroline will take a little time out now. She has many devoted friends and family. She sounds like she is being supported by them.

And the thousands of friends she has made on the Internet are also rooting for her.

Including me.

To read Caroline’s article – go here -

And a little link love – here is Caroline Middlebrooks regular blog

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BREAKUP! - and the “in between person”
June 3, 2008 at 7:03 pm

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Caroline Middlebrook June 4, 2008 at 6:20 am

Hi Corinnne :-) Yeah this is exactly what I intend to do. In my own defence I wasn’t actually looking for the last relationship when it happened, I was just looking for friends.

But this time I do feel like I want to take some time out to be that ‘in-between’ person (never heard of it described in that way before!) and get over this in a natural way. I feel like I have to be able to get over this without using somebody else as a crutch so that I can equip myself with the skills to deal with crises so that I don’t go on to live a life in constant fear of relationships breaking down or other such traumas.

I can’t believe that guy tried to date 2 days after his wife dying! Might have been shock perhaps?

Caroline Middlebrooks last blog post..Stats (Without the Analysis) for May 2008

Reply

Corinne
Twitter:
June 4, 2008 at 6:53 am

Dear Caroline -

When I wrote this article and hit “publish” I hoped you would not be offended that I was using you as an example. Thanks for being a good sport.

But my main motivation was in circulating your extrmely candid and helpful article. I thought it would help a lot of people. It will.

Yes, the story of the widower is absolutely true. He answered my personal ad on November 2nd and he let slip later that his wife had died on Halloween.

Needless to say, I did not pursue that relationship. This guy had every artery open and did not know it. I am not a nurse. And he was a psychologist. I figured let him figure it out.

Much good luck in the future. You will have it. Being an “in between person” is a good thing!

Thanks for your article. You have done a great service with it.

Reply

Corinne June 4, 2008 at 12:27 pm

Corrine,

I have followed Caroline and her breakups also. Her writing is so honest and open that you can’t help but follow along. I don’t think I can relate at all the the widower. I don’t know what the time limit if any is but I’m sure it’s more than 2 days. I like your writing style also. It is easy and interesting to follow along.

Corinnes last blog post..I’m justa moping today.

Reply

Grace June 4, 2008 at 2:23 pm

How’s 15 years ??? Is my slate clean yet?

Reply

Corinne
Twitter:
June 4, 2008 at 5:56 pm

Dear Grace -

TIME’S UP! 15 YEARS?????

Get out there. You are no longer an in between person. You are a past due person.

Reply

Corinne
Twitter:
June 4, 2008 at 6:00 pm

Dear Corinne -

Interesting that we have the same name. Enjoyed your site. Will come back.

Yes, Caroline is a fascinating person. Glad you enjoyed the article and she waa so in tune with it. I was worried.

Come back and visit soon. Glad to have you aboard.

PS I don’t know when the appropriate time to start dating again. Do you?

ANYONE GOT AN OPINION ON THIS???

Reply

Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker
Twitter:
June 4, 2008 at 10:52 pm

My sister just got out of another bad relationship. Each time that she ends a bad relationship I tell her that unless she wants another bad relationship then she needs to learn to know and love herself then she will attract a better type of guy that will love her the way she deserves to be loved. I do believe that we attract people who treat us the way that we believe we deserve to be treated.

Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..Using Your Pain To Live Your Divine Purpose

Reply

karina June 5, 2008 at 10:18 am

Thanks for yor advice.

karinas last blog post..Jagd nach dem Gold

Reply

Corinne
Twitter:
June 5, 2008 at 11:57 am

Dear Patricia -

I did what your sister is doing for many years. I chose people who were either bad for me or just plain boring because they had no power to hurt me.

But, all the talk to your sister does no good in my estimation.

It’s like telling someone who is overweight they should go on a diet.They know they are fat. You are not adding any valuable information.

People do things when they are ready. When she gets really sick of it she will change.

All you can do is love her and let her see how you have turned your life around.

Reply

Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker
Twitter:
June 5, 2008 at 2:43 pm

Corinne, I agree with you about people not hearing until they are ready. I don’t preach to her like I used to when I was still in my fixing people mode which I used as an excuse not to look at my own problems.

Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..Using Your Pain To Live Your Divine Purpose

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