BEST FRIENDS FOREVER – or not? – Nancy Shields

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”   Anais Nin

The young women of today have a code called BFF.  It arrived with the craze of text messaging.

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

There is nothing more wonderful than when we find a new BFF.

We are invigorated and refreshed by a chance encounter with someone who was a complete stranger.  Suddenly, you have a new friend.

You make plans, discover your similarities, your differences.  It’s equivalent to finding a new love.

And just like a new love affair, our girlfriend relationships can start to falter and be disappointing.

It can happen for many reasons,

It can be because your girlfriend does not agree with your new love relationship, or a decision you are making about something going on in your life.

It is difficult to stay open to change and non-judgment with our girlfriends when that happens.

We hoped we had a friend who was there to support us.

To listen and hear us out when experiencing a situation causing me pain or frustration.  The unfortunate thing, it’s not always like that.

There is nothing like the pain of when a girlfriend does you wrong.  It can be a betrayal, a deception,  spreading gossip.  The worst is when she betrays the confidences that are sacred to you.  She promised you she won’t tell, but then you find out she did.

TRUST has been broken.  Why would she do that?

We wonder, “What happened?  How could I have been so wrong?”

It can be jealousy  –

resentment of what you have -

of who you are –

the way you look –

you have a new love -

And most of all, something you have accomplished.

We live in a very self centered world – we don’t feel good about ourselves, we don’t have the best self-esteem, we don’t feel smart – whatever the reasons for our own inadequacies.

If we felt good about ourselves, and we were secure about our place in life, then we could start feeling the joy for others, and we’d want to be there for our “girlfriends”.  We wouldn’t feel jealous if they bought themselves a brand new car or a new condo or were beginning an exciting new relationship.

We would be happy for them.  They worked hard to get themselves these things.  We would want to share in their joy and happiness

Why can’t girlfriends be there to help each other instead of compete with each other?

When I see a beautiful woman (may it be inside or out) – I make sure to go up to her and tell her that.  Even a stranger.

What do we have to lose by giving a sincere compliment?  Why don’t we just do it?

Why don’t we do it today?

There are 2 different types of girlfriends out there –

the basement friends and the balcony friends.

The basement friends are there to bring you down, to spoil your fun – to have you second guess yourself.

The balcony friends are your cheerleaders.

They encourage you, bring you up when you’re down, and experience the joys of life with you.  They are thrilled with your successes.

You know how these basement friends are. We’ve all have had at least one in our lives.  They are the ones that after you leave their presence you feel about 50 pounds heavier.

Or if you phone them and just want an ear they give you the “what you should do” speech.

They may mean well, but they don’t seem to know that saying nothing and just listening is the best thing a great friend can do.

Perhaps we should just let the basement friends go without guilt or thinking we are bad people for ending the relationship.

So, all you Best Friends Forever –

Let’s start complementing each other instead of competing with each other.

Let’s reach out to other women and be happy when they are happy and even sad when they are sad.

Let’s encourage and inspire one another with the way we choose to live and not tear each other down.

The men have always known how to support each other.  They have their ol’ boy network.

We women have to emulate them.

It is time for the ol’ girl network.  Are you in?

I love this quote by Roy Kroft,

“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.  I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.  I love you for the part of me that you bring out.”

We will then know what it means to be -

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

Nancy Shields blogs at Makegirlfriends.com. She is a woman with a vision and a passion to inspire and encourage other women.

Photo by MagicFlexzor