An outstanding example of complete selflessness is Retired Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, a woman who not has had a brilliant career but has a huge heart and is an example of great love to us all.

Her husband, who lives at a Phoenix facility for people with Alzheimer’s, has found a new romance. He and the woman, referred to only as “Kay,” another patient, are “teenagers in love.”

“Mom was thrilled that dad was relaxed and happy and comfortable living here, and wasn’t complaining,” one of the O’Connors’ three sons, Scott, said on television. “For Mom to visit when he’s happy … visiting with his girlfriend, sitting on the porch swing holding hands,” was a relief after a long, painful period for him.

The whole nation stands, not only in awe of her love and compassion, but her courageous transparency in revealing the situation.

Why can’t we be happy for someone else?

Most of us live in a smaller world. We compare ourselves to other people and secretly resent their good luck. Why did it happen to them and not us?

One of our friends just inherited a substantial estate and has moved into an affluent neighborhood. They still want to maintain the friendship with us but something has changed. We feel uncomfortable when we visit their beautiful new home and then return to our modest surroundings.

Somehow we feel diminished. Why has the God of Good Fortune visited their family and not ours? We’ve lived a good life and worked hard also. Why them?

A friend, who is a widow, met a wonderful man on the Internet. He is a widower and was also lonely.

It occurred seemingly accidently and I happen to have a part in it. I encouraged her to put her profile on line. She resisted because she felt that “people would see it” and she would be embarrassed.

I convinced her that the only ones who would see it would be someone who was looking – so she reluctantly agreed to do it.

The widower found her because he was checking his email on Yahoo and noticed the Yahoo personals part of the site. He looked at it out of curiosity.

They are a couple now and very happy together.

But, her best friend of many years rejected him. She ended the relationship.

I can’t figure it out and neither can my friend. Why would she resent an old friend’s new happiness? Jealousy? Competition? Why?

What do we have to do so that we can rejoice for one another?

It seems to be tied into the value we put on ourselves which is determined by how we measure up to other people. That is our yardstick.

And yet, we know that money and prestige do not equal happiness. We have seen it every day in the news where rich celebrities have many more problems than we have. Most of us are not in trouble with the law or have had to go to rehab.

The everyday person, who is never featured in the news because we are just not “news,” is getting along. Somehow, our bills are getting paid. We are happy in our lives, thank you. We have nice surroundings, even if they are not luxurious. We cut our small lawns in the summer and shovel our snow in the winter and we are doing just fine. We may fight now and then with our spouses but there is also a lot of laughter in our kitchens.

It is time for us to come home. To ourselves. To be grateful for what we have. We can only sleep in one bed at a time. Eat one meal at a time. More bedrooms in a bigger house will not make for greater happiness.

More money or a new relationship will not make us feel more secure unless we are secure in ourselves.

Gratitude is the answer. To want and appreciate what we already have. To be pleased with the fact that we are enjoying good health. To treasure our families more and the love of our parents, children or spouses. To enjoy the holidays with them with the joy of being together. Not for the value of the gifts.

These are the blessings of our life. Not material things like an inheritance. Not a new relationship. The comforts and contentment we already have.

When we get to that state of mind, we realize that what we have is priceless. We already have everything. We still may want more – but we don’t need more.

Perhaps then we can move into an attitude like Sandra Day O’Connor. Being happy for someone we cherish. I am sure she looks at her husband of many years as a child who is content now. She is generous with her feelings toward another human being who bears little resemblance to the high-powered man she once knew as her husband, partner and the father of her children.

We can then be pleased with someone else’s good fortune and their happiness because we are sharing the same abundance.

When we focus on thankfulness for what we already have, we are happy with our life just as it is.