IS IT TIME FOR YOU TO TRY THE INTERNET DATING SERVICES?
It is getting harder and harder to meet anyone except on the Internet. I know some dating gurus suggest joining clubs, political groups, and your church – even trolling supermarkets. All good suggestions.
The older ways of meeting someone in a bar or a club is out of fashion these days. Many of us do not frequent those establishments. And anyone there might not fit our goal of a long term romantic partner.
There is the other argument I hear. If your soul mate is supposed to show up, he or she will find you. I’m not disputing that either. But I am also a firm believer that the good Lord helps those who help themselves. I don’t think UPS will deliver that person to your front door and even if they do, you might not be home to sign for them.
RULE ONE:
You have to put your picture in the ad. I know, you want to remain anonymous but you will get no answers if you don’t display your picture.
Look at it this way. No one is going to pay to be on the dating site if they are not looking. If you don’t know how to scan and upload a picture, ask one of your techie friends to do it for you.
Put on a recent, nice, smiley picture with no one else in it. No, not even your dog. You can mention you love dogs in your description. And nothing sexy. You’ll send the wrong message to some nut out there.
RULE TWO:
People will search the site by age group. Like 30 to 40. 40 to 50 and so on. If your age falls over by a year or two, LIE. Get in the lower group because they are all lying – by at least five years. You can plead insanity and tell the truth later. Remember to write down the year you put in the ad because you will forget.
RULE THREE:
Describe yourself as briefly as possible. What you want to do is stress what you are looking for in a relationship. Tell the truth here.
I can’t tell you how many personal ads I have written for friends – and myself. It has been interesting to see the results. And I have a few success stories. Two engagements, one marriage (Okay, they divorced – but it still counts)
Here’s an ad I wrote for a friend as an example. Steal part of it or the format if you like it but make it your own.
Pretty, petite, blue-eyed blond, DWF, funny, nice, adventurous and can be sophisticated if required. My friends tell me I am good company.
I am seeking one 40ish-50ish man who is healthy, unattached and available. He is probably more spiritual than religious. At home, he wants a comfortable environment and values mutual support.
It would be nice if he is gregarious but also craves quiet time and shares some of my likes: Books, interesting cities, nice restaurants, a country place, laughing, opera, cooking, bargain hunting, oceans and mountains – just hanging out with friends and family and easy conversation.
Sounds like a nice person? She is and she got and still gets lots of inquires.
Notice I did not mention the words that have become a cliché –
PLEASE OMIT –
Like ethnic restaurants, flea markets, long walks (worse if you add in the rain) snuggling by a fireplace, comfortable in jeans or a formal, etc. etc. etc. These are in almost every ad.
You might also avoid people who answer you and say that they like these things. Sounds like a broke, couch potato to me. Probably none of them have a fireplace or worn formal dress since their sister got married ten years ago.
There are mixed views on revealing things that make you sound too important. People say that if you are a doctor, professional or have advanced degrees, it will put people off.
I remember Maureen Dowd’s quote when she won the Pulitzer. She said, “I’ll never get a date again!”
My feeling is if they can’t take it, tough.
You decide. Maybe the information should be reserved until you actually have a telephone conversation or later if it turns into an actual date.
HAVE YOU BEEN TEMPTED TO TAKE THE PLUNGE?
OK LET’S GO.
You have posted your profile and picture on the dating website. Probably you have chosen one of the big sites like Match.com, Yahoo Personals or JDate.com if your preference is for a Jewish match. The small sites are nice and sometimes more targeted but you will get answers from all over the country and not from where you are.
SOME ADVICE FROM ME AND MY MANY FRIENDS WHO HAVE REPORTED THEIR EXPERIENCE.
First – You do not have to answer everyone who contacts you. If you have no interest, just ignore the contact, or on most sites, you can block the person from contacting you again if they get persistent. Remember, they have no idea who you are so don’t worry. Every contact is just through the site you are using so they don’t have your private email address.
Second – If the person looks like a possibility, you might want to write them a short cordial note and ask them for more information if their profile does not include things you’d like to know about. Be nice. Remember? You said you were nice.
Be friendly and answer their questions if not too personal but do not give them your whole name, your contact information or your private email address.
This advice is not to alarm you, but remember you are going out into cyberspace to thousands of people. Most of them are sincere in meeting a nice person but there are bound to be some characters out there.
Okay. You found someone you might want to know. After a few emails back and forth on the site, you might want to talk on the telephone. Ask for their telephone number and a good time for you to call.
If you call them on your land line, find out how to block your number from their caller ID. It’s usually something like putting in *67 before you dial. Call your telephone server to advise you what the code is in your area. You might have the same function on your cell phone. Check it.
In the meantime, do a search on the site and see if there is anyone else who interests you. Send them a note. On some sites, they have a feature call “wink.” That will bring the person’s attention to your profile. Don’t be shy. This is supposed to be fun.
The site will also tell you when the person was last on line. If it is a long time ago, unless they look fantastic, skip it. They probably have met someone. The best ones to contact are on often and recently. They are active lookers.
Third – FIRST DATE! Please don’t make it for dinner. It could be an interminable two hours and you can’t get away. Make it for coffee or a drink and meet the person in a public place. Drive your own car. Make sure you tell them you have an appointment right afterwards. If turns out to be the person of your dreams – you’ll just “cancel the appointment.”
Don’t think you have to limit yourself to one person. Pretend you are in high school. Unless you were going steady, you dated different people. Go and meet others. This is an experiment so have a good time with it. I can remember having a date a couple of times a week when I was really into this. Make notes after the date so you don’t get them mixed up. Remember the person you met is probably doing the same thing. Everybody is shopping around.
One question I get asked a lot – who pays? My rule is the person who asks for the date. Later, if you get close, you can negotiate and share things if they are expensive. I like to cook, so if someone I was seeing always paid for dinner, I would reciprocate by preparing a meal at my house for us if I was really interested.
But if on the first date they ask to split the check, scratch that one. It is rude. Especially, if it is just for coffee or a drink. A cheapskate you don’t need.
I know you will meet some nice people – even if they turn out to just be friends.
And I wish you luck with doing better than that – meeting your soul mate.
If you get discouraged along the way, remember the song from Cabaret – you can hum it along with me.
What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play.
Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
Come to the Cabaret!
THE MODERN CABARET IS THE INTERNET.
WHEN WILL YOU GIVE IT A TRY?
If you have already tried it, please add your tips in the comments. All are welcome. We need your feedback.
A WOMAN WITHOUT A MAN
Click here to BUY IT NOW AT AMAZON
On sale!
See interview with Corinne here
A Woman Without A Man - Forward by James Kavanaugh
{ 9 comments }




